June 18, 2010

Blue

Have you ever felt so nothing that you don’t know the reason why?

Today, I trapped in a question that made my day so blue and I lost the smiling curve in my face. It was simple but made me so pathetic. Again, I was murdered in guiltiness. Some people said that woman is very easy to feel guilty, as I am. I don’t know why.

Maybe people often frame us as ‘someone’ and make us forget to be the real we are.

And in some cases, when something that runs out as I’ve planned before, I do things that not so me, or I feel sorry because I can’t help someone, I feel guilty. Am I too sensitive? Nope. It just came out as feelings thought the wrongs are definitely not mine.

I always remember that the most killing pain comes when people that we love crying in sadness because of us.

The conclusion: I need to punish my self

***

Maybe it’s true that I have tendency in masochism - as someone has ever said; okay, now I admit that statement. But, nobody’s perfect. And you can’t satisfy and make all of people happy at once.

It’s overrated, dear.

“The most killing pain comes when people that we love crying in sadness because of us…”

It’s true. But, are they even crying? Are they sad?

If I punished my self by *censored*, hehe, i would make people that I love crying. Upset. Because I don’t love me – and it’s totally hurting.

So I changed my mind, and thought about it clearly. It was just about perception. And it would be alright.

"Nobody controls me. I'm uncontrollable. The only one who can control me is me, and that's just barely possible." - John Lennon-

Yeah, it would be alright!

Oh God, thanks for friends and everyone that wake me up from this bad feelings :)

***

Today, I trapped in a question that made my day so blue and I lost the smiling curve in my face. But I realized that I just needed to mix white, red, or yellow to make my blue more colorful and rotated my curve back in the right position.

Don’t worry about what is gonna happen in the future. Allah loves you, dear. There will always be a way to create the possibility, to make people that you love happy, and to fix the broken pages of life.

If we blame yesterday, and worry about tomorrow, we will lose chance for being happy today.

And, of course, nobody wants to lose it – included me :)

3 comments:

Yoga Azmat Khan said...

pertamax...

jangan kamu tega membuat kami sedih ya :).

akhirnya Icha ngakuuuu :p. aku benar! yaaay.

creamy_cha said...

i'm trying :)

Yoga Azmat Khan said...

about the guilt, Icha... I know how it feels. engulfed by a fierce wave of uneasiness.

but Icha, maybe nobody resents you. maybe it's just you. what you need is to forgive yourself :).

awas kalo Icha masokis lagi, ntar aku culik :p!