August 23, 2012

We Used To Be Good Friends

We used to be good friends.

I remember the first time we met and you gave me your own made sandwiches. You knew the address from someone's database. In my first impression, your face indicated like having Arabic or India blood but you're pure Javanese in fact. Before that, we just said hello in social media - and you always wrote posts in English, talked fluently in Japanese, and shared about many general issues. Sometimes i didn't know what you actually meant and i learned much from you. You've been so smart. Yes, you are.

I remember how you cared to me a lot - even more than yourself. You reminded me to eat regularly and have good rests. Otherwise, you sent me food directly to my boarding house then hung it on the fence - no matter what time it was - either midnight or dawn. I got mad with your behavior of forcing me to eat, but I realized that it was for my goodness. Then I took it and what was in the plastic bag often surprised me.

I remember how great you helped me when I was in trouble. When I was robbed and all of things in my bag were lost - I felt extremely upset. You asked me to calm down and gifted me new prayer clothes and USB flash drive to replace the lost ones. I still save it until right now.

I remember how enthusiastic you supported me about education and my passion of being a writer. You introduced me to some literature in foreign language, new good books to increase my motivation, and you got me one thing i dreamed about - fairy tale book in exclusive hardcover. You often asked me to some international expos - I couldn't be there mostly but you never forgot to bring me something as souvenir or England map with colleges address on it. I never knew how you could make it possible to make me happy.

I remember when your leg was in injury. But you still made your promises to take me to cafe which served purple ice cream. You went there and tried to find the place earlier in the afternoon. I felt terrible because you did hurt yourself. But it was the time we went out together and I appreciated it.

I remember that you do love postage stamps. And you're a very good listener. We used to share things with letter or messages about anything - about any which disturbed my mind and yours. And you always treat your friends very well - even too well. When the statement that once came from my mouth, "Friendship may end in love, but love never ends in friendship" - it unexpectedly really bothered you. Although I just found that note from an article in magazine but you took it seriously.

And confession made everything like trouble. Nobody was wrong. It was me - who was afraid to say the truth. To say that we couldn't and we shouldn't. I didn't give any decision. And it was like trouble - most of my friends didn't like you unreasonably and it was so awkward to let us this close. You should blame me for this. And you were my friend. Yes, you were.

Months and months and I kept concealing anything. I was in love with someone and I made my first relationship. You and I had tried to fix the friendship - but it failed. We were like strangers. I couldn't deal with my big ego and you were like hiding something that you couldn't forgive or forget. It's sad.

Thank you for everything you did and had been there in my bad times and good times. May Allah bless you with happiness and easiness in life.

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