March 31, 2013

Side Story of Long Weekend :)

Long weekend is like oasis in the desert for most people. Pressure makes us exhausted, sometimes estranges the relation between family and friends, and of course - life needs self healing and balance. For me, weekend is a treatment to make human as human being, like a daily moment to look back inside himself :)

I didn't have any special agenda for this long weekend. The ticket prices were so expensive and I was too tired, so I spent my day hibernating and laying on the bed. I did cream bath and massage too as a gift for myself. And that day was my first visit to salon in 2013. I didn't want to leave. LOL :p

I realized that I needed to burn my fat so I jogged in Saturday morning. But I ate batagor for my breakfast so I thought my exercise was useless, haha. Then I beat the mountain laundry and washed them all. I always motivated myself that washing was cool and sexy, yeah it worked! I met my boyfriend in the afternoon - two weeks didn't meet made me miss him like a mess huks. At first, I planned to enter Planetarium, but we ran out of tickets. I was sad like a little girl missing her doll - silently in heart, LOL. I would come back here again soon, please, please, please.

So, we just watched Madre in TIM - and it was my movie time in cinema in 2013 again! The movie was good, but not great. The plot was too slow and made me boring. But the setting was nice, I loved to see Tan de Bakker in movie version, Bandung city, the backgroung music - and Afgan new song was so touching, I listened it over and over again, and the breads! That movie made me hungry. Unfortunately, Saturday ended before sunset. Ah, it was too fast (as always) :(

I woke up very early on Sunday morning to catch commuter line to Depok. I wanted to see my aunt before her flight to South Korea. For me, she was my inspiration of dreams come true. If Allah will, everything can happen :) Allah, take me to London, please hihi. Then I went home and headed to Bintaro to hunt boarding house. But the heavy rain hit me, I sheltered in mosque until dusk. I was sad and tired because I came here bringing nothing. But I didn't know, suddenly Allah let me realize that maybe it was not the right moment, maybe Allah wanted to save me, or maybe I had fun too much and forgot Him. Yeah it was. I loved when I was down and I came back to Him, I felt so peaceful and close again. And I felt something very warm which I found from someone - person who really cared about me, his words always made me relieved. I felt better then.

Because, wonder woman doesn't cry (a lot) right? :) 

March 28, 2013

Celebes!

Alhamdulillah. I and team got an assignment to four regencies in South Sulawesi which belonged to beneficiaries of sub-national grants from central government. I was so excited because it was my first time visiting Sulawesi and again - I was the only girl there. So, be tough! :D

common pose :p

We caught the early flight and headed to Pangkajene by rented car immediately after landing. It took an hour from Maros to Pangkajene. The traffic was quite good, and most cars driven with high speed. Wow! Next, we headed to Barru and it took more than two hours to arrive there. We accomplished our assignment on first day then heading to Wajo and planned to stay there. The atmosphere was so quiet. It was quite difficult for us to find empty rooms to stay. But finally we got them. I couldn't sleep, anyway. Because I was too excited, hehe :)

There's a popular lake in Wajo named Tempe, because people who stay there on that lake - named 'desa terapung' - are used to planting some soybeans in the edge of lake every dry season - when water debit lowers. We couldn't visit it because we had to go to Soppeng soon. But listening the awesome story from its origin was enough for me :) I could see a lot of beautiful views during the journey, green landscape, blue sky, unique traditional houses, and so on. Beautifuuul Indonesia! This is what I like from having journey or traveling, it can open my eyes wider and know people better. They are very kind and lovely. And their accent is cute :)

Unfortunately, our journey in second days was not so good. We lost and I got nausea :( Actually, it just needed one hour from Wajo to Soppeng, but we took the wrong way and got accross Bone - so it took more than 3 hours and the road was not smooth. Finally, we arrived - though it was late - and I looked so pale, LOL.

Soppeng is famous with its bats. Bats hang down on some trees around the cities and fly freely at night. They are quite big actually, wew. But be careful, if they litter you - the myth says that you will find your mate there, haha. I was afraid actually :p Then we saw Yuliana House - it functioned as museum - the building was twin and the twin was in Holland. Then we continued our trip to Makassar before night came. It took four hours and I got nausea again. Mom :(

Yuliana House

Before going home, I had a chance to capture some pictures and entered Fort Rotterdam too yeah. Haha, I loved the letters. Red and big :D Losari Beach was awesome, the food was sooo good - pisang ijo, coto, sea food, grilled ribs, aaargggh. I forgot about my diet and I gained a lot I guess, no :(

Fort Fotterdam :D

I was really grateful with this. It really opened my eyes wider for everything - for my knowledge, for my experience, for the joy of meeting people, for my love to my country, and my immunity itself :p

So long, Celebes! See you, long sleep! :D

March 25, 2013

Happy Milad Abah :)

March 25, 2013.

Today, my daddy turns to 54. He always forgets his birthday and thinks that it's not significant because it means the age of living is getting closer to the limit given. I really hope daddy is blessed with good health and has long life. I hope I can make him happier and happier :'(

I think there is no special gift which he expects as he always waits for my coming home. I still can't go home, and I hope I can go home soon either before or after my study starts.

At first, I plan to surprise them by sending food delivered to home. I plan to order pizza as it's been his favorite and has been quite long that they don't have chance to enjoy it. Even I ask my friend, Osel - sorry to bother you a lot, dear - to help me order it. But, there is no delivery service which has coverage area until our place there. I fail :'(

I always believe Allah notes it and replaces it with the better ones - with the blessings and answers of our prayers everyday, daddy.

I love you, daddy :*

You're Still The One

And memory always brings me back closer to you.

There's been some time that I want to give up on this. There are some moments when expectations try to kill my trust on this. There are some reasons while I keep comparing about us and them. There are more doubts coming from inside and outside questioning on this. And it was the hardest parts of this relationship. But I've passed that phase for long, yeah quite long time ago. When this relationship wasn't that strong. Sometimes, relationship doesn't only need love, but also needs time. Right? :)

Why? Because I haven't grown up. Because I ignored things that I should have complained. Because I didn't tell what I actually really wanted. Because I kept looking others and let my foundation ruined by itself.
 
Now I learn that there's no perfect person in this world. But how to love person perfectly is important. Seems cliche, but it's true. And believing to what we really see rather than what the other see is more important.

And memory always brings me back closer to you.

I remember how many helps that you've offered to me since we were friend. I remember when you took permission from office to take care of me and picked me up to hospital when I was sick. I remember when you lifted most of my baggage by yourself when I moved. I remember when I was in the very bad condition or I gained a lot but you're still very okay with that. I remember that you always support me to what I really want to achieve in my life. I remember when you gently came to my parents and treated them very nicely.

I remember that you can persistently say no when I keep telling arguments to say yes - yeah, I really need this. I remember that you'll always be my favorite place to share anything - to cry, to laugh a lot, and to celebrate life. I remember how difficult it is, not to say I miss you for a day, or not to see you for some days. And another baskets of memory that I can't state - you really try to make me happy, to handle my complexity - when other persons can't, I guess -, you try very hard for your future, for being good - for Allah, for job, for family, for me.

Now I really understand. Everything seems so much easier. I'm stronger, I'm happier :')

In the end, the most important thing is I'm really grateful for this. Thank you. We can make this work out :')


And memory always brings me back closer to you.

***

I'll never know what the future brings but I know you're here with me now

We’ll make it through and I hope you are the one I share my life with...


Random picture taken from here.

March 23, 2013

Self Note: Peaceful

I feel peaceful while I am writing. It's like I am not ruled by either any interest or job pressure, but mine - to filter it. It's like I escape from this getting wilder world. Conflict of interest, money empowers people, corruption everywhere like a vicious circle, globalism and liberalism - or any kind of theories - create automatic machine of poverty, girls rapped by their own family, murder, war, weird policy, anger, and everything which seems common nowadays. People have religion but have no faith. Pathetic.

I just hope we are always protected from those crimes. I just hope we live in peace like this without problems as above which break our life. I just hope we don't lose the concept of happiness itself. I just hope we don't lose God. Being rich - by stealing another people rights - is very rotten and has bad smell. Imagine that their bodies are rotten inside like that? Pity.

We are used to losing hope to gain and person to trust.

Sometimes, I think having ordinary life or being ordinary person is the most peaceful one. Sometimes.

Patahan #73

I will always be one of happiest persons that knowing she has already moved on - or, she's finally found. I knew that it's pretty long for her to forgive herself but she lets go and changes to be a better one.

I knew that it's rather difficult for her to fall in love again but we - I, her, and people who love her - prove that she really deserves it.

She's finally found by a good man. A very good one that loves her wonderfully and truthfully.

She said that her prayers answered. But we said that it's a bless of her kindness and her patience.

I love you my very dear best friend, Osel. And I'm happy. Very happy

March 18, 2013

28 Months Ago

"It means I'm not single anymore?"

"Yeah, you have a boyfriend now"

"Really?"

***

And I laugh awkwardly. My heart beats too fast. Even I have to pinch my cheeks that having a new status like this is something really weird in my world. Even I can't trust myself that - after 21 years - I have to open my heart and finally accept this. LOL.

May it be the first and the last.

May Allah bless it.

And I'm very grateful of it :)

March 13, 2013

Wonosobo ~

Yeaaah. It was my second trip with DJPKers after the first one in November 2011 when we came to our friend's wedding - Hepi and Septian - in Yogyakarta. It's been so long, right? This time, we came to Wonosobo to cherish the moment in Oka and Fathi's wedding on March 9, 2013. Both of the couples are in the same office like us. That's why we are so excited to see them together :D

The trip was started on Friday night with Sawunggalih train and stopped in Purwokerto. We arrived in station at 1 am then we continued the trip by cars that we rented to guest house in Dieng. I was soooo excited. It was my first time having adventure in the night like that, LOL. We reached the guest house at 3 am, and it was too early from our schedule. The house keeper also didn't come yet, so we waited while some slept in the car. I preferred to stay in the car because it was so cold. I was freezing and I didn't bring thick jacket :(

The sky was wonderful. I could see a lot of stars. Wonderful! Then I remembered him :( We waited until adzan calling. People there were so nice and came to mosque in early morning to pray. The water, the floor, the wall, everything... were also sooo cold. But I was happy because I could see smoke come out from my mouth, LOL. The green views were amazing. Then I bought knitted hat and gloves to warm the body. We were starving then we found a stall selling instant noodles and hot tea. Alhamdulillah, it felt so good :')

freezing :(

Someday I will come here again to see the sunrise!

We prepared soon and went to Wonosobo to catch the wedding. So happy to see them both. May Allah bless them forever in love and happiness :)

fathi & oka



mbak nur, mbak poppy, me :D

I and Mbak Poppy came home first. We didn't join the others to go around Dieng. We were so grateful because we met friends from office that dropped us in Purwokerto Station with their car. They were very kind and helpful. We arrived in station at 7 pm. We had to wait for 3 hours more because the train came in 10 pm. I had friend to chat and share, so time ran fast :)

There were many empty seats in train but I hated it because I had to be separated with Mbak Poppy. I laid my head on the seat then bended my legs. It was my first time sleeping like that. Suddenly, I felt so lonely and the train got fasteeer. I couldn't sleep, LOL. I arrived on Senen Station on dawn. I continued my sleep after taking a bath and having morning prayer. Laying on bed was miracle

Can't wait for another trip! :D

March 12, 2013

Patahan #72

Allah punya banyak cara untuk mengabulkan doanya. Dan ini semacam cara Allah untuk menjawab doaku agar diselamatkan dari hal-hal yang bersinggungan dengan hati.

Ya Rabb :')

Sungguh, jangan pernah putus harapan dan tetap berprasangka baik pada-Nya :)

***

"Dan Dia mendapatimu sebagai seorang yang bingung, lalu Dia memberikan petunjuk. Dan Dia mendapatimu sebagai seorang yang kekurangan, lalu Dia memberikan kecukupan" (QS. Ad-Dhuha:7-8)

Granny

My grandma has just come from Semarang. In my tradition, grandma is called as 'jidah'. I am so happy that she is healthy and fine. Things that every grandchild always remembers from grandma is... her food. I always love her food. She loves to bring me some food and anything to eat for supplies in dorm. Sooo grandma! :)

me and grandma :)

Grandma stays in my aunt's house in Depok. I often pay a visit in weekend or holiday either to see their condition or just play with kitten. Kitty named 'Kumong' is so cute and plump. And he is so friendly to anyone. Besides, tightening family relationship is very good to grow graces and happiness.


plump kumong :3

Thank youuu grandma. Be healthy always and see you again :)

March 11, 2013

Aku Suka Puisi Ini #3: Dalam Doaku - Sapardi Djoko Damono

Saya adalah pengagum puisi-puisi karya Bapak Sapardi. Dan, ini adalah salah satunya setelah Aku Ingin, Hujan Bulan Juni, dan Tentu, Kau Boleh :)

***

Dalam doaku subuh ini kau menjelma langit yang
semalaman tak memejamkan mata, yang meluas bening
siap menerima cahaya pertama, yang melengkung hening
karena akan menerima suara-suara

Ketika matahari mengambang tenang di atas kepala,
dalam doaku kau menjelma pucuk-pucuk cemara yang
hijau senantiasa, yang tak henti-hentinya
mengajukan pertanyaan muskil kepada angin
yang mendesau entah dari mana

Dalam doaku sore ini kau menjelma seekor burung
gereja yang mengibas-ibaskan bulunya dalam gerimis,
yang hinggap di ranting dan menggugurkan bulu-bulu
bunga jambu, yang tiba-tiba gelisah dan
terbang lalu hinggap di dahan mangga itu

Maghrib ini dalam doaku kau menjelma angin yang
turun sangat perlahan dari nun di sana, bersijingkat
di jalan dan menyentuh-nyentuhkan pipi dan bibirnya
di rambut, dahi, dan bulu-bulu mataku

Dalam doa malamku kau menjelma denyut jantungku,
yang dengan sabar bersitahan terhadap rasa sakit
yang entah batasnya, yang setia mengusut rahasia
demi rahasia, yang tak putus-putusnya bernyanyi
bagi kehidupanku

Aku mencintaimu.
Itu sebabnya aku takkan pernah selesai mendoakan
keselamatanmu



(Dalam Doaku, Sapardi Joko Damono, 1989, kumpulan sajak “Hujan Bulan Juni”)

***

Beautiful :')

March 10, 2013

Random Thought

Sometimes I think I'm not as sweet as what I used to be. I really have no idea why some people pattern me like that - but I am grateful. I always believe that it's the effect of growing up - the effect when relationship, life, jobs, and reality enforce you to be rational. When experience makes your eyes open wider and understand what you didn't and shouldn't do before.

Somehow there is no change in life, right? Adaptation is.

I know that pressure is always everywhere. Sometimes growing-up soul can't stand with this and pressure makes us pressure another. Then I always feel guilty. I know that it is wrong. I am the one who's wrong. And it's not easy to forgive ourselves. I'm sorry, it's not easy.

Judging is also everywhere. Being judge makes us judge another. Human. Human being.

March 5, 2013

Sisterhood #4

Finally, I met one of my best friends when I was in Senior High School. We met about a week ago in Sarinah. It's been more than five years that we haven't seen each other. Her name is Elida Sari. She continued her study in STT Telkom Bandung. Now, she also works here in Jakarta.

me and her :)

She changes a lot. She's been slimmer and more beautiful. We talked much about anything, about our progress, and how we've been so grateful to be this way. We have same point of view - to survive, to struggle, not to give up, and to have dignity. I am so proud of her. So happy to see her again :)


Back to the past, I had group of friendship in Senior High School named d'frize girls as a abbreviation of our names. I and another five members - including her - were together for three years. They made my school memory wonderful. They were so good to me. We used to hang out and study together. We were not part of cool and popular people in school but we always had position as 10 best scores, LOL.

Five years ago..... :O

I always love you so much guys :) :*

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We Are Literally Alone

Yes, we are.

It is the statement that I build to strengthen my own heart when I'm sad, brokenhearted, disappointed, friends leave, being ignored and hated.  It seems cynical, but it does not. I believe that we are the ones who can make ourselves happy. We are the ones who fight for our life. We are the ones who decide what we want to be - that way or this, good or bad, successful or failed. We are the ones who take the risks. We are the ones who responsible to our own life. We are the ones who create our images. We are the ones who can help ourselves - of course - with Allah's help.

That's why I am not interested much with people who always beg to earn for living or who complain much without doing nothing. It seems like they do not want to change their destiny and blur the thin limit between 'unwillingness' with 'laziness'. Even Allah states, "Truly, Allah does not change the condition of a people until they change what is in themselves"

Being far from home is very good for me to understand about life and to enlarge my point of view. I used to be a very dependent to my parents when I was in school. Now, I grow up and have been stronger. I love them more and more. Moreover, being the only girl in my sub-directorate pushes me to be tougher and multitasking. And I am so grateful. I really grow up. I really grow up.

I am used to be walking alone to go somewhere or to eat somewhat. And, it's very okay. Sometimes we should be friend with this loneliness to be more independent. Sometimes I think I am so romantic with myself. Though I always miss many things. I miss many people. Having expectation from people sometimes may hurt you - though I always believe that there are some who keep being loyal to you. Their hearts are so big, their loves are eternal. Thank you.

I still remember words stated by my lecturer. Why people - in mature age - need relationship? Because the older we are, the more autonomous we are, the fewer best friends we have. In this case, I agree with him.

We are literally alone - in responsibility - as human being. But believing this always makes me smile, "Allah is closer to me than my veins". Allah never leaves.

:)

March 4, 2013

Baby Boy

These days I and my brother do online chats for about 90 minutes every night. He promises to make this appointment routine as a preparation before national examination. Sometimes I feel bad because I used to teach other children but I don't have a lot of chances to teach my own brother :(

Online learning is not so effective because it's not as good as by pointing it directly with paper, graph, pencil, and formula. Many things can't be described by chat. But I hope it can be helpful. I hope I can make him successful to understand step by step. He always said, "Kak Icha, I'm afraid. I'm afraid. I don't understand. Give me your prayers, kak". And I replied, "You can do it, adek. There are some times left. Practice everyday and do not give up. I always send prayers for you"

I've found that some learning methods in school do not teach the subjects by concept, but by results. Heavy curriculum makes a burden for students and pushes them to hate learning itself :(

But I am grateful because he looks serious and his process of maturity is also growing. He studies. He is also used to praying in time. When adzan calls, he runs to mosque at once. We are very proud adek. Keep being like this, okay :)

Mom and dad sees us like an inverse. We have opposite character and passion. I was born on 89 and he was on 98, LOL. He loves sport. He loves playing music. He loves thriller movie. He loves any kind of games. But I can't, lalala. He is brave, and I'm shy. Haha. He hates serious books, he hates writing, he hates maths. And I love it :D He likes durian, he likes clams, but I.. yaks! X(

we are like twin, right? :p

Nevertheless, it makes our little family complete and colorful :)

Good luck, baby boy. Fight and let your dreams come true. There is a will, there is a way :*

Patahan #71

Kalau dipikir ada benarnya juga, hidup itu bukan hanya masalah keadilan. Tapi hidup itu juga masalah keseimbangan - we call as common sense of human being. Seimbang dalam arti, yang pintar mengajarkan yang kurang, yang kaya berbagi dengan yang membutuhkan, yang punya kesempatan lebih membaginya dengan yang lain. 

Bicara tentang keadilan semata semacam ada sedikit ego manusia yang berperan. Seperti, I deserve to get it, and you don't. I work hard for it, and you don't. Right?

March!

February runs so fast and here comes March ~

Alhamdulillah, it will not be as gloomy as last year when duty didn't allow me and him to make any communication for 5 weeks hoho. I started my March by going to beach. Yeah, beach! Its name is Tanjung Pasir beach in Tangerang. The sand is gray and abundant like the name.  If you want to get to Thousand Islands, you can cross from there too. Unfortunately, people don't keep the environment clean, the garbage seems everywhere :(  We just ate grilled fish and drank coconut water there. So yummy to kill the sunny day! I really enjoyed the wind. It felt so peaceful. And seeing him happy made me more peaceful

Then, I want to enjoy the last days in office before coming back to study in STAN again. I'm gonna miss the atmosphere here, my friends, my beautiful boss, hectic hours, arguments here and there, laugh, smile, and any kind of it. I don't know, this time I am so nervous to come back there again.

lovely cubicle - another home hoho

office partners :D

office mates. When mbak tifa still here :(
with kak puput :)
DJPKers yeaaah :)


I should be grateful more and more. Sometimes complaining is fine, because it is signal that something you can't accept and need to be changed. Then I don't need to worry things that I can't handle. Thinking too much about the uncertainty of life makes headache and can't enjoy the life itself, such as about where I will be after this study, how I can pay this and that, and another what if that kills my self. I learn to do things that become my part, and let Allah do the rests. Let Allah do the rests.



Allah

Work smart, play hard, then pray harder!

Pict taken from here.