December 31, 2012

Thank You, December. Thank You Allah :)

Though Allah always gives huge bless and bliss in everyday, but there are things that keep being reminded on top. Things that make life more meaningful and special. Things to prove that I am stronger that I used to think about.

I met a lot of awesome people and experience in December. I got chance to follow test, best friend came to Jakarta, hectic days waiting in rush, heavy rain, and every lessons learned that taught me to be more grateful. Sometimes it felt sad when you were cheated or back-stabbed. But what I'm really sure is happiness that comes in easy way by hurting people will hurt you back. So, don't be that way :)

And surely, many amazing people were born in this month, one of them is my boyfriend! It was December 24 - most employees were free that day, including me - but he was still on duty. I made a simple surprise and came to his office in Serpong in the afternoon. I asked him to go out because I was too shy to be there around and he was the master of making me cry! So happy to come in this unpredictable moment and to see him on uniform yeaaah. Though I had to steal his time for an hour (sorry for his boss :p) but... definitely - I was soooo happy!

Next, my young brother came to Jakarta! It was his first flight without being accompanied. He was 14 and he was great. I missed him so much and had waited this moment for months. I took three days of leaves (thank youuu office!) because he was in Jakarta for five days since 26-30. I asked him to go around - just two of us - from enjoying Ragusa ice creams, visiting Kota Tua, eating good foods, staying in aunt's in Depok, swimming in Ocean Park, and having a-day-trip to Bandung - just two of us! Such an impulsive trip and I didn't get lost that day. What an achievement for me! :')

My tears dropped a lot these days without any reasons. When I saw my brother's face, I saw heaven in his face. Been so tired but his saying thank you, his blushing face, his appetite, his hugs - made the tiredness lose and I cried at once. Thanks for being a very good baby boy, dear :')

Take care mom and dad. We'll meet again soon. I love you so much, adek :*

Oh anyway, just remember this. Jobs and duties often selfishly steal the family time, so spend the time with them as long as you still can do it. And I always believe, you will never be a great person and it's totally useless when you just care about something big, huge number of people but be insensitive and ignore people who are around and close to you. Never :)

December 17, 2012

Best Daddy Ever

There were notifications on screen: 12 missed calls. And they came from three different numbers from one same person. Daddy.

My bad. I kept my mobile phone being silent and didn't check it for hours. And my blackberry was off because of the super-jet-empty battery. I hate it.

My daddy thought something wrong happened to me. His imagination that I was being robbed or hurt made him sick. He was afraid. He tried to call my aunts - and if it didn't work he would ask my boyfriend to see what was going on to me. But they said i was okay. I should be somewhere doing something. Then he just sat down alone hugging pillow and silently cried.

I realized that I forgot something. I had not called them that day and there it was. Daddy was waiting my call. That's all what he needs. That's all what makes him happy.

I should have known that the older my parents, the more anxious they are. The more they are afraid to lose me.

I'm fine, Daddy. I promise I will. Don't worry too much, please. I love you.

*this experience brought me to buy power bank!*

What I Really Miss

I feel such an emotional tiredness these days. I don't enjoy my lecturing activity and being perfectionist sucks. Some kinds of loneliness haunt after the hectic days then I often cry until I sleep. The fact is person that I talk to most during the weekdays is someone across the cubicle, LOL. I used to think about taking care a pet like hamster or turtle to stay away from this being alone. But I realize that it's just a bad and impulsive idea. I can't imagine if it dies because I forget to feed it. So I replace the idea with ordering star projection lamp. It works! Watching ceiling and walls which full of stars really make me smile. Happiness is as simple as that way.

I miss having friends with the same point of view, to share dreams, ideas, and not too much complain about life. So, here she comes. December is quite good that it gives me a lot of unpredictable presents. My best friend Oselva got assignment in Jakarta and she picked me up in my office on Friday night. Then we had dinner and pretty long chitchat. She stayed in my dorm for two nights.

I had to go to campus on Saturday from 7 a.m. to 4 p.m. The traffic was quite good. But the class sometimes made me upset. We talked about business ethics and what always be heard was bad image of my professions. And they laugh of it. Oh please, I love my job. Sometimes I make reminder with wise words to enlarge my own heart, "Just be careful with two types of people who like giving negative comments: some don't know the truth and some just envy. Such a hypocrite". I believe serious effort of yours will never cheat yourself.

After campus thingy, Osel asked me to accompany her to meet a friend in Sarinah. We ate some pizza then watched The Hobbit. I was so sleepy and I closed my eyes sometimes in the beginning of the movie. But I didn't want to skip this amazing-three-hours movie so I tried to hold on. I miss having me time like this.

sleepy face :D

She went back to Medan on Sunday morning. I always hate to say any goodbye. For me, she is an inspiration, full of energy, a loving sister and daughter who fights for her family and we are sample of friendship in diversity. We are different in culture and religion, but we appreciate each other and we don't make it as a big deal. She reminds me to do prayer on time and to be patient. To be strong. I am very grateful.

There are another things that I really miss. I miss talking to Allah in the late night. I miss writing though year-end pushes me with overloaded reports to write. I miss baking cake. I miss teaching children. I miss watching TV series on bed. I miss being sweet. I miss reading books so I borrow two books this week: Steve jobs, Stay Hungry Stay Foolish and 'Biografi Angka Nol' written by Charles Seife. I am always curious with the mystery of math or numbers like that.

I miss him.

And I miss home.

December 11, 2012

Grateful! Happy, happier!

So, it is my quote of December.

Sometimes life doesn't run as expected, like having to do the things that we hate enormously or dealing with person that makes me want to eat zombies. Yeah, there's nothing better to save the day than embracing your own life. And I'll learn to make myself happy either by forgetting it for a while, laughing, or forcing myself to accomplish it soon then let me be free sooner.

I am inspired by Diana Rikasari to remember every little thing that makes her happy and write it in a note in the end of the day. So what can make myself happy? Eat! I love eating good food, delicious and nice ones. (It is one of the joys of having a job, isn't it? You can buy something that you like?) And I love chocolate. I love to dance around my room in the early morning. I love listening and mumbling along my favorite songs. I love wearing cute things and decorating my room. I love sending sweet messages to boyfriend during peak hours. And I stop having any kind of that nonsense diet. It works. I'm happy and I feel really good :)

It can't be denied that the older you are, the less friends that you have. I miss having good friends to talk and to have a walk together. But I realize that life changes. People grow up. They get married one by one and have new life to build, and it's not a really wise idea to share any silly chitchat that we used to do. I try to be careful of doing some kinds of sharing. But I'm not alone. We are not that alone. We just learn to depend to ourselves. Yes, we should.

I always have Allah. Allah is very kind. And also a very good listener. I feel like being rained by a lot of blessings these days. Then, I have curious mom that regularly wonders with my condition. And I still have him that really understands and successfully makes me feel good. Thank You Allah. So many things I should be more grateful of.

So, celebrate life. Be happy and happier! Because, there's nothing better to save the day than embracing our own life.

November 21, 2012

#24 Self Note: Isya :)

"Kelelahan yang mengkhawatirkanku adalah kelelahan yang menjadikanku lalai dari ibadahku"

Salah satu kebiasaan buruk saya selain tertidur setelah sholat Subuh adalah langsung terlelap di kasur dalam keadaan masih berpakaian kantor tanpa bersih-bersih atau sholat Isya terlebih dahulu. Rasa lelah yang tidak terorganisir setelah bekerja dan kuliah malam ini memang mengganggu sekali. I feel so bad. Akibatnya, saya sering terbangun di tengah malam karena tidur yang tidak tenang, mimpi buruk, dan barulah saya menyesal karena tidak sengaja belum melaksanakan sholat Isya. Lalu dalam hati saya berdoa begini, "Ya Rabb dekatkanlah aku pada imamku yang bisa mendekatkan diriku padamu huhuhu" *boleh dong :p

Ternyata memang begitu, salah satu berkah dari mengerjakan sholat Isya sebelum tidur adalah diberi kedamaian dalam beristirahat. Saya sangat merasakan perbedaan ini: tidur yang lelap dan tidak gelisah. Dan walaupun rentang waktu pelaksanaan sholat Isya sangat panjang - yakni mulai dari selepasnya batas Magrib (hilangnya awan merah di langit) hingga menjelang fajar - namun menunda sholat Isya hingga sampai tengah malam sangat tidak disarankan karena Allah mengirimkan banyak berkah dan kemuliaan di sepertiga malam terakhir, sehingga lebih baik melaksanakan Isya di awal waktu dan kemudian Tahajjud di tengah malam.

Jadi ingin memperbaiki kualitas tidur? Coba perbaiki cara sholat Isya-nya :)

November 20, 2012

Kabur dari Jakarta

Sabtu, 17 November 2012.

So, this is our first successful trip as a couple.

Uhyeah! Dengan rencana yang impulsif untuk mengisi long weekend dan pertimbangan transportasi, akomodasi, dan destinasi wisata yang oke, akhirnya dipilihlah kota Bandung.

Perjalanan dimulai dengan kereta dari Gambir ke stasiun Bandung. Saya sangat menyukai perjalanan dengan kereta Argo Parahyangan di pagi hari karena pemandangannya sangat menakjubkan dengan nuansa hijau, pepohonan, pematang sawah, dan sesekali sang kereta melaju lebih lambat saat melewati jurang dan lembah di kiri kanan. Aaah, senang sekali. Sudah lama tidak menikmati atmosfer hijau dan menenangkan seperti ini. Dan yang pasti bebas macet!

Pada awalnya, saya sangat ingin mampir ke Ciwidey. Sayangnya, hujan deras mengharuskan rencana tersebut dibatalkan. Alhamdulillah ada skenario yang lebih baik dan Allah melindungi kami. Hujan tersebut ternyata menyebabkan longsor di jalan arah Bandung menuju Ciwidey :(

Tapi saya tetap ingin menghabiskan liburan dengan petualangan dan menghiruuup udara segar, akhirnya dipilihlah lokasi Taman Hutan Raya Bandung Ir H. Djuanda di lokasi Dago Pakar sebagai destinasi berikutnya. Thanks to Raisha karena gadis ini rajin sekali mendokumentasikan kisah-kisah perjalanannya di blog secara detail. Setelah mampir ke blognya, jadi tahu deh bahwa ada lokasi sebagus itu di Bandung :D

Perjalanan menuju Tahura ditempuh dari angkot ke angkot (dengan mengandalkan tanya sana-sini dan bantuan Apple Map), kemudian dilanjutkan dengan ojek - iyeeeiii jalanan mendaki dan udara dingin menyentuh kulit pun mulai terasa. Aaah, menyenangkan sekali! Banyak pula yang bersepeda menempuh jalur ini.

Tiket yang harus dibayar di gerbang utama Tahura adalah Rp 8000,- per orang dengan rincian Rp 7500,- harga tiket masuk dan Rp 500,- untuk asuransi. Harga yang sangat murah untuk menikmati suasana sangat indah seperti itu. I'm so excited. I can't stop to walk, run, and say "subhanallah". Kondisi hutan sangat dijaga kebersihannya, dan di beberapa titik ada warga yang menawarkan jasa berkuda, jasa ojek menuju air terjun Curug Lalay, dan juga pedagang jagung bakar dan minuman hangat. Nikmat sekali!

Di lokasi ini, ada dua buah gua yang terkenal yakni Gua Belanda dan Gua Jepang. Kedua gua ini dulu berfungsi sebagai tempat penyimpanan senjata, alat komunikasi seperti transmisi radio, dan penjara warga pribumi. Dua gua ini dibangun dengan tangan oleh para pekerja rodi dan romusha saat itu. Masya Allah.

Saya pun ingin masuk ke Gua Belanda, dan di depan gua sudah ada orang-orang yang menawarkan jasa penyewaan senter seharga Rp 3000,- dan juga guide selama di gua dengan bayaran sukarela. Hufff, Gua Belanda sangat gelap dan jalanan yang berputar-putar seperti labirin menjadikan gua ini menyeramkan. Maka kami memilih ditemani guide dan saya berpesan, "Pak, jangan cerita yang serem-serem yaa". Ahaha, payah!

Di Gua Jepang saya sempat berfoto-foto saja, hoho (kabarnya gua ini jauh lebih seram dari Gua Belanda sebelumnya wakakak). Dan masih banyak sekali tempat-tempat menarik lainnya yang cantik untuk diabadikan. Ah, suatu saat saya harus mengajak adek kesini. He must love this place!

Kami memilih pulang mendahului arus balik dengan menggunakan bis Primajasa selama 2,5 jam. Jalanan masih lancar tapi eh tapi ternyata perjalanan dari terminal Lebak Bulus menuju Wahidin Raya menyaingi perjalanan pulang dari Bandung, yakni 2 jam! Hedeeeh.

Selanjutnya, secara impulsif lagi, kami memutuskan untuk nonton Breaking Dawn Part II saat itu juga. Setelah sholat magrib di mesjid kantor dan masih dalam keadaan kucel, kami langsung menuju Metropole. Luarrr biasa, film tersebut diputar di tiga studio daaan tetap saja kehabisan tiket ahaha kami lupa kalau itu Sabtu malam, pengunjung rameee luarrr biasa.

Namun syukurlah, dua orang kelaparan ini langsung berbahagia setelah menyantap Nasi Langgi dan Nasi Pecel dengan es puding dan es shanghai di Pondok Es Cendol Metropole sebagai ganti tidak sempat menikmati nasi timbel di Bandung. Subhanallah, makan dalam keadaan sangat lapar itu luar biasa nikmatnya. Tapi sudah tidak romantis sama sekali ahaha. Lapar!

Alhamdulillah, so much fun. My mood and my energy are full-tanked. This is one of the best weeks ever in 2012. And I love him for a thousand moooreee ~

 Hey, it's been two years. One step closer :)

November 8, 2012

Officially 23! :)

Alhamdulillah, 7 November 2012.

Bebek yang satu udah pergi, and i'm officially 23.

Terima kasih buat Mbak Nur yang mengetuk pintu kamar beberapa menit setelah pukul dua belas malam - membawakan sebungkus kado dan sepotong kue yang harus dihabiskan saat itu juga hihi. Allah loves you mbak. Please, be strong and erase your tears! :)

Juga pesan singkat dari mama dan abah yang tampak tulus dan kangen sekali. Insya Allah, anandamu baik-baik selalu.

And what a wonderful surprise! Triple-chocolate cake dari Osel dan Deasy menyejukkan suasana hati yang sendu sore itu. I was crying silently. I was so grateful with their love from distance. Juga rekan-rekan kerja yang sudah seperti keluarga, termasuk Mbak Tifa yang repot-repot mengirim paket tanpa nama. Thank God I knew your signature, mbak hehe.

They really made my day. Smoga dibalas Allah dengan kebaikan yang berlipat-lipat :)

And for you, thanks to be the first who gave me prayer. I hope I can see you soon. I know the workload is quite heavy these days. Please, take care of yourself.

Terima kasih atas limpahan doanya yang indah teman-teman. Indah sekali. Smoga diijabah Allah, barakah, juga bisa bertambah baik, rajin, sabar, kuat, dan bijak seterusnya. Doanya untuk kalian juga. Aamiin :)

November 5, 2012

Sisterhood #3

I miss having girl friends :)

Minggu, 4 November 2012.

Jadi, sebelum kedua teman saya Dias Esantika Ningtias dan Dian Nur Fajriah ini melepas masa lajang, kami memutuskan untuk jalan-jalan bersama. Makan junk food dan mengobrol yang panjang - sungguh quality time yang sangat berharga setelah hari-hari yang melelahkan dan hampir sebagian besar dihabiskan dengan orang-orang yang rentang usianya lebih jauh dari kami. Sudah lama juga tidak bertemu dua perempuan hebat ini. Ah kangen, sebentar lagi saya akan ditinggal sahabat saya lagi hoho. Bagi saya, mereka berdua ini adalah inspirasi - sama-sama berhati kuat, sama-sama cerdas, pendengar yang sangat baik, dan sama-sama berhasil dalam menjalani LDR. Alhamdulillah, may Allah take care you both always :')

Setelah itu, saya dan Dian diajak menemani Dias untuk mampir ke Kelas Kepompong. Kelas ini adalah semacam kelas alternatif berupa kelompok belajar anak-anak yang diprakarsai oleh beberapa sukarelawan - salah satunya adalah orang asing bernama Mike. Kelas ini bertempat di daerah stasiun Karet, namun belum lama ini lokasi belajar mereka pindah ke halaman SMP Negeri 70 Jakarta. Waktu masih kuliah di Universitas Indonesia, Dias setiap akhir pekan rutin mengajar di sini. Ah senang sekali, saya berkesempatan untuk ikut mengajar beberapa anak di kelas 6 SD. Mereka lucu-lucu dan pintar-pintar. Kami duduk di tikar lalu mulai belajar tentang akar dan pangkat, bangun datar, Phytagoras, dan diakhiri dengan games tebak-tebakan Bahasa Inggris. Masya Allah, senang sekali :') Mungkin memang harus sering-sering ikut acara seperti ini atau melakukan hal-hal di luar rutinitas supaya batin tidak kosong karena ego dan kesibukan.

Thank you for this great time. See you again soon. Promise to be healthy and to be happy, dear friends :')

*Note: sayang sekali nggak ada dokumentasinya. Matanya pada bengkak sih, hayooo. Hehe.

Bungong Jeumpa ~

Dalam rangka memeriahkan Hari Oeang Republik Indonesia yang ke-66, salah satu lomba yang diselenggarakan adalah lomba paduan suara antar Eselon I di Kementerian Keuangan. Nah, kebetulan eselon 1 saya adalah salah satu dari yang memang belum memiliki kelompok paduan sura. Dengan pertimbangan terbatasnya jumlah pegawai dan waktu untuk persiapan, maka dipilihlah 30 orang anggota melalui penunjukan langsung hehe. Para anggota yang sebagian besar masih newbee ini -termasuk saya yang masuk kelompok sopran- dilatih habis-habisan oleh seminggu penuh oleh Bang Kenar, pelatih paduan suara dari Universitas Padjajaran. Benarlah memang, practice makes perfect. Suara yang tadinya masih pecah pada akhirnya bisa nyatuuu and it was quite good for us :')

me - dengan kostum Aceh

the girls :)

PKDers :D

on stage, bang Andre as conductor :)

Lagu yang kami bawakan adalah lagu nasional Bangun Pemudi Pemuda dan lagu daerah Bungong Jeumpa. Dengan kostum Aceh dan gerakan-gerakan tarian yang baru dilatih beberapa jam sebelum tampil - memanglah ide yang kreatif dan nekat itu selalu muncul di detik-detik terakhir, hoho - kami bisa tampil dengan cukup melegakan dan diantar oleh Pak Dirjen langsung ke aula Dhanapala juga ditonton oleh teman-teman dan atasan-atasan, nervous sih tapi aaah langsung muncul semangat. Nothing to lose because it was the first experience for us. Hoho, at least we had a lot of fun! Puas!

Dan, selamat untuk DJP, DJBC, dan DJPB untuk kemenangannya. No doubt!  :)

October 24, 2012

#11 Maret untuk Mei: Tidak Semua Seperti Kelihatannya

Semacam awan mendung. Kau tahu bahwa matahari tak kemana-mana dan sinarnya yang menyengat tak berubah sedikitpun. Tapi hari itu kelihatannya gelap. Langit pun sendu. Semacam itu.

Seandainya kau mau menunggu atau mengusir awan hatimu. Atau setidaknya, kau mau percaya. Bahwa aku pun tak kemana-mana, aku pun seperti matahari itu, tak berubah sedikitpun. Semacam itu.

Boleh kupeluk erat walau sedang tak dekat? Sini. Tunjukkan semangatmu yang hangat itu setiap hari kepadaku. I can feel you. I can feel you.


Mei, kenapa bilang begitu?

Kelihatannya, aku tidak merindukanmu? Kelihatannya, aku tidak pernah ingin tahu kabarmu? Kelihatannya, aku tidak peduli dengan bahagia dan sedihmu?

Tidak semua seperti kelihatannya, Mei. Tidak semua.

Image taken from here

Happy Wedding Sahabat :)

 Alhamdulillah, tanggal 21 Oktober 2012 kemarin, saya berkesempatan menyaksikan pernikahan sahabat saya - Deasy Mayasari dengan Arifin Indarto. Masya Allah, rasanya haruuu dan berbunga-bunga melihat wajah mereka yang memancarkan perasaan saling cinta. Wajah pengantin baru ituuu yaaaa blushing-blushing begitu hehe :D

Arifin & Deasy

Pernikahan dilangsungkan di Kota Palembang, di rumah mempelai wanita. Jadi setelah selesai kuliah, Sabtu malamnya saya langsung terbang menuju Palembang dan bersiap-siap untuk menjadi pengiring pengantin pada esok harinya. Ini pengalaman pertama menjadi pengiring pengantin Palembang, jadi maklum kalau saya, Febrian, dan Ayin - dua teman lainnya yang turut hadir terlihat overexcited hehe.

pagar ayu dan pagar betis :)

Pakai baju Palembang :D

Para pengiring mengantar pengantin dan keluarga sampai ke pelaminan. Yang menarik adalah pengantin wanita menari Pagar Pengantin di depan pengantin pria dan tamu undangan dengan penari lainnya. Budaya yang unik. And yeah, she's soooo beautiful!

Barakallah Deasy dan Arifin, smoga langgeng dan selalu dalam rahmat dan limpahan berkah dari Allah. Smoga juga bisa cepat-cepat ikut suami. Aamiiin :)


Begitulah perkara jodoh. Asam di gunung garam di laut bertemu dalam satu belanga. Dan seperti rezeki, tulang rusuk dan pemiliknya pun tak akan tertukar. Semua sudah ditetapkan oleh Allah.

Daaan kayaknya ini lagi musim menikah, mulai ditinggal sahabat satu-satu huksss I'm gonna miss youuuu all. Be blessed in Allah's love :')

October 5, 2012

Abah ❤

"Icha katanya jatuh ya?" tanya Abah saat menjawab telponku sambil mencuri-curi waktu selepas sholat Ashar. Sinyal di ruanganku tidak terlalu jelas sehingga aku selalu berpindah ke toilet untuk menemukan ruangan yang tenang dan pemandangan lalu lalang kendaraan dari jendela yang kacanya selalu dikenai kehangatan cahaya pantulan.

Tidak biasanya Abah bicara banyak. Tapi saat itu Mama dan adik sedang tidak ada di rumah, dan sore itu hujan deras. Beliau sendirian. Maka kami pun mengobrol ringan selama beberapa menit untuk mencerahkan suasana hatinya dari sepi dan  bosan.

"Icha tidak apa-apa, Abah. Hanya sedikit terhuyung-huyung"

"Abah kepikiran..."

Padahal aku tidak apa-apa tapi beliau terdengar sangat khawatir.

"Sungguh, tidak apa-apa, Abah" jawabku berulang kali untuk menegaskan bahwa hal itu adalah biasa dan aku baik-baik saja.

"Keseleo ya? Ada yang luka? Jangan dibiarkan, nanti berbahaya. Icha darah rendah ya? Suka males makan sih. Coba makan yang bisa tambah darah. Madunya diminum?" Abah menghujaniku dengan pertanyaan. Pertanyaan yang dibanjiri kasih sayang.

"Iya Abah, sudah tidak males makan lagi". Aku mencari bahan pembicaraan yang lain agar Abah tidak terus-terusan mengkhawatirkanku. "Sepertinya kita sama-sama sedang bermasalah dengan kaki ya, Abah bagaimana? Sudah semakin sehat?"

"Iyaa cuma sering nyut-nyutan, mungkin besok mau diobati lagi"

"Abah juga sehat-sehat ya"

"Icha juga semoga lancar ya nak kerjaannya, kuliahnya. Jangan sedih-sedih"

Dan air mataku menetes tanpa sadar saat itu juga. Abah, aku mau memelukmu dari sini...


Tak henti-hentinya aku menulis tentang beliau. Abah adalah figure favoritku. Dan menjadi gadis kecilnya adalah anugerah terindah yang pernah dihadiahkan oleh Tuhan Yang Maha Pemurah.

Woman - when she is a daughter, she opens jannah for his father. Hope I can be that way, Abah

Sejak Saat Itu

Minggu ketiga saat semuanya bermula. Aku masih mengingat jelas bagaimana darah mengalir dengan deras ke kepala. Aku masih tidak percaya bahwa ini nyata - bahwa aku akan pergi dengan kamu yang saat itu belum aku kenal dengan benar. Tapi entah mengapa aku menjadi berani, aku mematahkan semua ketakutanku dan peringatan-peringatan yang datang dari berbagai penjuru. Mungkin ini semacam untuk pertama kalinya aku yakin dengan pilihanku.

Aku tak punya banyak baju. Tapi aku tetap harus memenuhi janji. Aku berpikir bahwa tiket emas ini terlalu sulit untuk kuperoleh lagi. Aku bergonta-ganti pakaian selama beberapa kali agar tak terlihat aneh dan rendah diri. Tetap saja aku merasa aneh dan kembali pada baju yang itu-itu lagi, rok kembang bunga-bunga, atasan hitam, dan jilbab berwarna ungu. Saat itu aku belum gajian, aku tak punya sepatu layak untuk hari itu.

Memakai rok membuatku harus duduk menyamping beberapa lama, ini menyiksa, tapi aku takut untuk berpegangan - lebih dari ketakutanku untuk jatuh karena hilang keseimbangan. Lalu kita sampai di mall itu, cukup mewah menurutku. Maklum aku tak tahu banyak tempat dan jarang kemana-mana. Kita makan siang dan duduk berjauh-jauhan membicarakan hal-hal yang biasa. Aku tak merasa lapar. Aku masih tidak berani menghadap ke arahmu dan menatap langsung ke matamu. Aku masih tidak percaya bahwa pada akhirnya aku memilih kamu, bersama kamu.

Aku masih tetap bertanya dengan keyakinanku, dan jawaban yang terlontar dari kamu itulah yang sebenarnya aku tunggu-tunggu. Seolah semacam tepukan yang membuatku percaya diri dan belajar menyayangi diriku sendiri. Aku banyak berubah seterusnya hingga saat ini. Kamu memperlakukanku dengan sangat baik. Dan ini semacam sebuah anugerah. Anugerah terindah yang tak henti-hentinya aku syukuri.

Petang itu hujan gerimis dan aku meminta pulang sebelum gelap. Aku tersenyum penuh kelegaan dan rasa takut itu hilang. Tanda tanya yang memenuhi otak kiri mulai lenyap dan otak kanan bekerja mencipta kebahagiaan. Sayangnya, aku menjadi terbiasa mengutuki waktu dan menangisi rindu.

Aku masih ingin bertemu kamu lagi, setiap hari, sejak saat itu.

Image taken from here.

Sepercik Kisah Dari Jalanan #5: Manusia

Akhir-akhir ini saya jarang bercerita tentang kisah pulang. Mungkin karena sudah lama tidak naik angkutan umum lagi dan kos-kosan bisa dicapai dengan berjalan kaki, dekat sekali. Hal-hal yang saya lihat pun semakin sedikit seperti para pejalan kaki yang berpacu dengan pengendara motor yang curi-curi menerobos lampu merah, Pak Polisi yang betah berdiri diserbu sahut-sahutan klakson dan asap knalpot dengan tangan yang terus membentuk gerakan konstan, atau para supir angkot, bajaj, dan ojek yang rebutan mencari makan memenuhi bahu jalan saling mendahului menyerbu calon penumpang. Semua ingin bergegas memenuhi urusan, menghindari kemacetan, bertemu anak, isteri, atau pasangan, dan istirahat dengan nyaman.

Metro mini 47 yang sehari-hari membawa saya dari kantor ke kampus selalu membawa cerita. Metro mini ini dibenci sekaligus dipuja. Dibenci karena asap yang mengepul luar biasa pekatnya dan kondisinya yang sudah menua. Tapi juga dipuja karena memang dibutuhkan banyak orang, karena ketangguhan supirnya dalam ambil haluan belok kiri dan kanan, lihai cari kesempatan tapi selalu nyaris menyerempet kendaraan yang lain, dan punya cara untuk kabur dari kemacetan dengan seolah melompat ke jalur busway sehingga penumpang di dalam harus tahan dengan guncangan-guncangan semacam berada di dalam roller coaster. Penumpangnya juga harus punya nyali terutama jika ada perokok yang tidak tahu tempat dan tidak keren sama sekali mengotori oksigen yang pas-pasan dengan hembusan sisa tembakaunya yang mencemari kulit wajahnya sendiri, atau saat berhenti - entah diturunkan di tengah-tengah jalan raya atau kaki baru turun satu eh pak supirnya sudah tega melaju pergi. LOL.

Pemandangan di seputaran stasiun Senen selalu menarik perhatian saya. Dari jendela metro mini bisa kau lihat berbagai macam manusia. Orang-orang dengan wajah lelah selepas kerja, pengemis dan pengamen yang siap tampil dengan bermacam aksinya, toilet umum berbau dan sampah yang menyeruak, gadis-gadis belasan dengan puntung rokok di mulutnya, remaja-remaja baru tumbuh dengan poni lempar nongkrong di trotoar, bocah kecil yang tersenyum puas menghitung lembaran-lembaran dari hasil copetan, penjaja gorengan dengan minyak bercampur plastik panas, dan orang-orang dengan berbagai jenis dagangan mulai dari handphone, aksesori, baju, minuman, sepatu - membuka kios dan mengambil posisi - memenuhi sampai badan jalan.

Semua motifnya sama, pada dasarnya kita semua sama, sama-sama cari makan. Sama-sama cari kesempatan bertahan di metropolitan.

Percikan lainnya: 1 2 3 4

September 24, 2012

Patahan #65

Selain melalui sedekah dan shalat dhuha, ternyata mengundang rezeki juga bisa dilakukan melalui rajin bangun pagi. Seandainya aku tahu hadits ini dari dulu, berarti sering absen dong yah waktu pembagian rezeki huhuhu soalnya hobi ngantuk dan sering ketiduran setelah subuh ._____.
Dari Fatimah Az-Zahra, "Pada suatu pagi Rasulullah SAW lewat di depanku dalam keadaan aku sedang berbaring. Sambil membangunkanku dengan kaki, beliau bersabda 'Hai Anakku, bangun, saksikanlah rezeki Tuhanmu sebab Allah membagikan rezeki kepada manusia di waktu fajar mulai menyingsing hingga matahari terbit' " (HR Baihaqi)
Lagipula rezeki itu bisa dalam bentuk apa saja, bukan hanya materi, mungkin dalam bentuk kesehatan, teman, pasangan yang baik, kemudahan dalam bekerja, atau hal yang indah-indah dan baik lainnya. Wallahu A'lam :)

Jadi benarlah kalimat ini: sleep early, wake up early, and be wealthier! 

Do You Know What The Best Thing is?

Do you know what the best thing is? You can calm me down when I feel bad then say 'everything is okay'.

Regret is something that I do not really expect but haunt me often. I feel it when I can't do the best for people I love or I can't satisfy to the things I've done. I'm just trying to handle my negative feeling by focusing to what I still can change instead of blaming myself for the things that do not run well as what I want. I need to appreciate me more.

Do you know what the best thing is? You can let me stay beside you in hours without any boredom and still... I've never felt it is enough. I feel so secure. And when you hold me, yeah, I feel so peaceful and more secure.

I hate when I have to say goodbye and feel like a big losing. I feel like being left without nobody actually leaves me. I hate when time goes fast and I still want to be together - do simple activities, have chitchat, eat together, and look into your eyes deeply. Deeply - until I can inhale gratefulness get into my lungs. I am so grateful.

Do you know what the best thing is? You can inspire me day by day to be someone better with eternal dreams and keep being closer to Allah by sharing happiness to others, to parents, to friends, and not to give up easily. Pray harder and believe.

Do you know what the best thing is? This happiness.

And this spirit that makes me feel alive. Please, do not ever leave me. Nobody said it was easy. No one ever said it would be this hard.  

Allah, please guard us to be on Your way. Allah, bless us and do not ever leave us. Allah, please keep these hearts in place and forgive us if our love to Your creations exceeds our love for You.

Image taken from here.

#23 Self Note: Ada yang Salah

Akhir-akhir ini saya sering marah pada diri sendiri. Ada saja sebabnya, entah karena lelah atau terlalu banyak mendengar opini. Padahal diri sendiri tak baik diperlakukan seperti itu.
Karena meremehkan diri sendiri itu tugas orang lain :)
Seperti kemarin, saya marah pada diri sendiri karena kesulitan dalam mata kuliah Bahasa Mandarin. Sebenarnya bukan hanya saya, tapi mungkin hampir seisi kelas. Saya tidak mampu menangkap apa yang dikatakan dalam sesi listening oleh dosen. Entah itu huruf c, q, j memiliki pelafalan yang sama, demikian pula untuk z, sh, z, x, zh daaan cincau capcai fuyunghaiiii... oh dear, I don't know what I'm doing here. Namun, ternyata asal tebak membuahkan hasil juga. Tidak terbiasa, mungkin, masih harus beradaptasi. Bahkan untuk bisa mahir Bahasa Inggris pun butuh bertahun-tahun untuk berlatih.
Sepertinya saya terlalu keras pada diri sendiri :)
Saya marah pada diri sendiri karena sering mubazir perasaan. Dan apa yang paling menyebalkan dari liburan? Saya rentan merasa kesepian, dan kesepian tidak baik untuk kesehatan. Lalu saya jadi malas bicara. Harusnya saya sadar bahwa saya punya ayah dan ibu yang selalu merindukan saya. Yang khawatir berlebihan walaupun saya hanya sedang sakit perut biasa. Ibu bilang, "Banyak-banyaklah bersyukur. Kita merasa ada yang salah karena kadang kita kurang bersyukur, nak". Dan ibu menambahkan, "Masih single lho, nanti kalau berumah tangga lebih banyak lagi masalahnya. Lebih besar lagi sabarnya. Kalau mama dan abah sudah kebal dengan susah dan dengan asam garam kehidupan". Saya mengerti.
"Jika engkau bersyukur kepadaKu maka niscaya akan Kutambah nikmatKu padamu. Namun jika kau kufur akan nikmat Ku maka sungguh AzabKu sangatlah pedih." (QS. Ibrahim: 7)
Dalam sekejap rasanya ingin pulang saat itu juga. Mengecup ibu. Ibu - yang doanya dan berkahnya dijamin ijabahnya oleh Tuhan.
"Tiga orang yang doanya pasti terkabulkan: Doa orang yang teraniaya, doa seorang musafir, dan doa orangtua terhadap anaknya." (Sunan Abu Daud)
Saya marah pada diri sendiri lalu Allah tiba-tiba menyadarkan saya. Hati jadi keras karena ada yang hilang. Mungkin itu, saya kehilangan sujud yang hikmat. Padahal Allah sangat sayang dan merindu. Lalu saya dipertemukan oleh sebuah buku, "Tuhan, Maaf Kami Sedang Sibuk" dan merasa malu. Dalam sepi itu dan setelah mendengar suara ibu, saya menangis keras. Sudah lama tidak menangis dan minta dipeluk yang lama oleh Pencipta. Lalu hati saya lega dan saya kembali dipertemukan oleh sebuah firman dalam AlQuran,
"Hai orang-orang yang beriman, bersabarlah kamu dan kuatkanlah kesabaranmu dan tetaplah bersiap siaga (di perbatasan negerimu) dan bertakwalah kepada Allah, supaya kamu beruntung." (QS Al Imran : 200). 
Dan saya menangis lagi. Terima kasih Allah, kini saya tahu apa yang salah. Dan saya akan terus belajar mengendalikan perasaan-perasaan negatif ini :)
"Karena idealnya, bukanlah bahagia yang membuat kita bersyukur, namun merasa bersyukurlah yang memberikan kita kebahagiaan".

Hei, dan sepertinya saya butuh jalan-jalan! Juga butuh disayang! LOL :)

September 23, 2012

I Hate That Movie

I've never been this terrible after watching such a disappointing movie before. I felt so regretful because of choosing that movie and it successfully disturbed my mood and part of my Sunday. First, it gave bad image of teddy bear which used to be cute and calming. I love teddy bear and I have two on my bed. I can't accept it ._____.

Second, it was far from my expectation. The review which said it was hilarious funny couldn't make me feel the same. I put the straight face from the beginning until the middle and screamed silently, "Please, I don't know what I'm doing here!". I wanted to cry because it was full with inappropriate scenes, bad attitudes and slang jokes... and someone beside me gave sign, "We chose the wrong movie". It was awkward because there are some moments I tried to close his eyes and he closed mine in sudden. "You are not old enough to watch it", he warned me. I covered my face. Oh God, forgive me :(

And third, I think the movie would be much better without those unimportant scenes. The story of relationship between the main actor and actress was quite inspiring and romantic. But that bear... destroyed it. Go away, bear!

Go away, bear! >:|
Overall, I just could laugh in the last minutes when the scene was purely funny, yeah, so-teddy-bear without any additional weird humors. Somehow, it makes me hope that the same-style-movie can be made for children with many good lessons inside, maybe about friendship and about dreams, it will be awesome! I'm sure many kids didn't know and thought the movie with teddy-bear-poster was for them. It was sad realizing that they watched it too, yeah, in cinema.

Maybe I criticize a lot because I don't have comprehensive understanding about movie and I'm old-fashioned. Everyone has right to have different opinion and point of view. Some people may like and some may dislike. But I don't exaggerate. I will be more picky to watch movie in cinema - which is good for my eyes and for my soul.

September 17, 2012


I got a chance to follow IELTS (International English Language Testing System) Try Out by Sun Education Group on September 16, 2012. The event was held in Harris Hotel, Mall Kelapa Gading at 10 a.m. I noticed that there was Kopaja 27 Senen-Kelapa Gading to take me there but I waited for half an hour and there was not any. My eyes were red and irritated because of the heavy smoke. I decided to be back to my dorm and wash my eyes. And finally, I went there by taxi. I wasted much time :(

It was my first time coming to Harris Hotel and also for trying this test. I registered the days before and it was free-of-charge for limited participants. I was so excited because there were many gifts and souvenir like magazine, note book, pens, pencil case, cotton bag, and guiding book for studying abroad. It was priceless experience started by presentation of IELTS overview and some examples of writing tasks. Writing can be in general and academic type based on our purpose. It takes 60 minutes for 2 tasks. Basically, writing task contains of describing graph and charts that you need to write at least 150 words, and composing essays either about agreement-disagreement or problem-solution that need at least 250 words. Essay has higher mark so you should write it first.

some gifts and souvenir :)

Then we moved on to speaking simulation. It's the hardest part of the test. They chose one of us to be a volunteer. Speaking takes 11-14 minutes in 3 parts from introductory of ourselves, our daily activities, describing something like experience when we were so happy, and arguing about many topics from the simplest to the most complicated one like about happiness, human rights, or terrorism. The key is we should not stop talking before the examiner interrupts us. We should not be nervous during speaking test and the more vocabulary that we can express the higher we get the band. Band is the grade as a result of each part that shows our fluency in English. The band is from 1 to 9 and 6.0 is the average for competent speaker. Universities make qualification of the band not less than 6.5. Then we were asked to practice speaking test with our partner. Unfortunately, I came alone and I was sad because it was difficult to find the partner. I met a participant who came alone too. She was a beautiful girl and really good listener. I was so happy to talk with her.

Furthermore, the committee gave us listening and reading test paper. Listening takes 30 minutes in 4 sections and 40 items questions. We should listen carefully because some of the questions are not in multiple choice and asked for answers in two or three words. The reading test takes 60 minutes in 3 sections and 40 items questions. It is same as writing which is divided into academic and general reading. And the readings are quite long. We need to learn scanning for more effective time.

Try Out result would be sent a week later and for the formal test, the result is available for 2 years. The test ended at 1 p.m. and continued with International Education Expo. There was a photo shoot stage too. I wanted so badly to get the picture there with some London decorations. But the participants didn't get voucher for photo shoot because we already had snacks. So sad :( Then I went home and found mikrolet M 37 Senen-Pulo Gadung but I had to stop in Kemayoran because of being the last passenger. The day was so hot! I took bajaj then had a nap directly when I arrived on my bed.

But again, thank youuu, the pretty hot day was saved by choco chip ice cream. It was like a miracle that I could meet him for twice in this weekend. The atmosphere in Cheese Cake Factory Cikini was good with Westlife songs played which were wonderful. But the price of the main course was quite expensive and wholly western so we just ordered ice cream and snacks.

Banana fritter with ice cream :)

The place was homy so I could have comforting chitchat. He's been my inspiration these days. I just figure out that he knows what he should do for present and future. And he completes me. I still fall in love everyday. Thank You Allah :)

By the way, you can download some IELTS test here.

My Saturday :)

Saturday is such a perfect time to hibernate. But I have class to attend on every Saturday morning, so I still have to start my day on 7 a.m. to chase metro mini and not to be late. Like yesterday, I had lecture until 4 p.m. and arrived in my dorm at 5. So it's no difference like in weekdays. But I'm truly grateful because I can review financial management for the advanced one that I take this semester. And it feels like I have my mind blown. I forget a lot, oh dear. I want to pinch myself! Yeah, it was 4 years ago when I learned it :(

I have new close friends in my class - Julia and Sebastian. Three of us have same origin that we are from Medan and we have same spirit to pass financing concentration for next year. We make promise to learn more and not to be influenced by another opinion easily. I need friends like them because I find that working students have more energy than ones who haven't. Maybe the reason is we realize that we need to work hard and save money to pay tuition and we have less time to learn. Besides, financial management class always reminds me to Oselva and our lecturer in STAN - Mr Arvan. He is very smart and teaches us in very good concept and practice. I used to sit next to Oselva, she had passion spreading to me and we discussed much during the class. She is irreplaceable friend.

And after three weeks, finally, I could meet my boyfriend again. After these hectic days, all i want to meet and to talk is him. I always find it difficult to find new place just to have seat and free chitchat without eating or being tired - and mall is so much boring. So we went to Surapati Park. It's been so long that I didn't come here because there was no parking area allowed. But now it's okay to park around.

There were some funny disturbances like many street singers dressed up like woman (you should know) - and we had to prepare some five-hundred rupiahs coins to let them go. LOL.  I wonder that how they looked so grateful to receive the coins and it made me laugh somehow. But I got a beautiful experience. I met street poet named Petrus Adi Wibowo  that I knew from his profile in Jakarta Globe. He's used to being there, going around and reading some of his poets.

me and Pak Petrus :)

I asked him to read poet titled ‘Cinta 90 Persen’ (‘90 Percent Love’) and I noted the best sentences: ‘When you love someone, love the person for only 90 percent, For when things don’t work out, you still have the remaining 10 percent to get back on your feet and love another lover'. 

Yeah, I always love Surapati Park :)

#10 Mei untuk Maret: Hati-hati di Jalan

"Maret, hati-hati di jalan"

"Pasti, aku akan berhati-hati. Kau tidak pernah lupa ya mengucap itu padaku"

"Karena kalimat itu adalah doa dan lebih ringan dibanding kesiapanku untuk mengucap selamat tinggal atau sampai jumpa. Aku akan terus mengucap itu hingga seterusnya pada masa aku menunggumu pulang, duduk di sofa, menyiapkan cemilan, dan membuka pintu. Aku menyambutmu tidak lagi untuk berpisah tetapi untuk bertemu. Kembali ke tempat yang sama yang kita sebut rumah"


Image taken from here.

Patahan #64

Hanya Allah yang menguasai waktu dan menggenggam jiwa. Allah sangat sayang. Dia senang kalau hamba-Nya berdoa yang banyak dan berusaha. Karena sesungguhnya sesudah kesulitan itu ada kemudahan. Sesungguhnya sesudah kesulitan itu ada kemudahan.

Diucap dua kali oleh Allah dalam firman-Nya. Fa inna ma'a al-'usri yusran, inna ma'a al-'usri yusran. Kalimat yang indah dan menguatkan sekali :) (QS Al-Insyirah 5-6)

September 12, 2012

Advice from Master

"We never had any issue on LDR because it didn't really matter somehow...our goal was to get married, so anything within the process was just worth it. Even though we were far away from each other, the idea of "owning" him as "mine" was enough to set free of my worries, and that long period of "me time" actually allowed me to just focus on building myself and my career first. I think he also felt the same way. Being in love should not make us over-dependent on each other that we sorta die when he's not around hehehe... Love should provide the freedom and positive energy to become what we want to be in life because we want to make each other proud and we know we'll always support each other. So it's about two souls, united, becoming two better souls".
Such a good advice. Yeah, there it is. Love should make us better and strengthen each other!  Thanks kak diana :)

#9 Mei untuk Maret: Apa yang Aku Lakukan Ketika Merindukanmu?

Dear Maret,

Apa kau tahu yang aku lakukan ketika merindukanmu?

Aku mengirimkanmu puisi di siang hari untuk kau dengar sebelum tidur. Simpanlah, itu puisi-puisi kesukaanku. Jika kau pikir itu mengganggu, pasrah pada sinyal yang tak tentu justru lebih membuatku terganggu. Akhir-akhir ini aku harus beradu cepat dengan waktu yang tak ramah dan mengambil alih perhatianmu hingga aku menjadi mudah marah. Tenanglah, aku menyimpan amarah itu sendiri dan akan kulampiaskan pada pengemudi yang tak tahu diri hampir menabrak para pejalan kaki yang berlari-lari seperti dikejar hantu setiap pagi. Tak apa, anggap saja mereka buta warna sehingga tak bisa membedakan warna merah dan hijau seperti katamu atau tak punya cukup dana untuk membeli mobil bagus dengan rem kualitas bagus sehingga etika sering kali tergadai untuk menutupi biaya gengsi dan malu. Loh Maret, kenapa aku jadi seperti akan menyusun essay dan curhat begitu? Ah iya, aku memang kangen curhat padamu.

Apa kau tahu yang aku lakukan ketika merindukanmu?

Aku menulis banyak tanpa kenal waktu. Jika tak sempat menulis di kertas atau koneksi internet membuat tuan segi empat yang setia di meja kamar menjadi lemah dan mengantuk, maka aku merangkumnya dalam pikiranku dan membiarkan sang tokoh di kepalaku mendongengkannya setiap malam. Sesekali dia datang saat aku berdiri dalam metro mini atau menyusun laporan yang harus selesai sore hari, dia masih saja bisa nyelip di laci memori. Loh Maret, kenapa aku jadi pengkhayal melulu? Ah iya, kamu pun banyak mondar-mandir di pikiranku tanpa izin dulu. Apa aku di kepalamu juga sering iseng begitu?

 Apa kau tahu yang aku lakukan ketika merindukanmu?

Aku mencatat target belajar dan pekerjaanku hari itu dan mengerjakannya dengan rajin seperti pesanmu. Atau jika tidak, dengan sebisaku. Aku tak sabar untuk menceritakan keberhasilanku atau keberanianku mengalahkan ketakutanku. Begitupun kamu, aku yakin kita bisa menghadapi semua yang terbentang satu-satu. Aku ingin menjadi rajin, karena seperti katamu, aku bertanggung jawab pada diriku sendiri. Lagipula Allah suka hamba yang rajin. Aku ingin dikasih hadiah dan diberi kemudahan untuk segera bertemu kamu. Loh Maret, kenapa aku jadi pamrih begini? Ah iya, tak apa, Allah kan baik sekali.

Apa kau tahu yang aku lakukan ketika merindukanmu?

Aku banyak bersujud pada Dzat yang mengendalikan hati manusia, hatiku dan hatimu. Rindu membuatku bersyukur dan menjadikanku dekat dengan-Nya dan seakan terhubung denganmu. Saat aku tak mampu melakukan apapun, aku berdoa yang panjang dan membujukNya agar kamu sehat-sehat selalu dan didekatkan pada yang kamu mau. Saat aku merasa tak mungkin berbuat apapun, aku percaya bahwa Allah Maha Menghendaki segala sesuatu asalkan bersabar dan berikhtiar. Lagipula yang baik untuk manusia belum tentu baik di sisi-Nya jadi berserah saja. Loh Maret, kenapa aku jadi bijak begini? Ah iya, kan baru belajar. Hidup dan waktu yang jadi pengajar.

Apa kau tahu yang aku lakukan ketika merindukanmu?

Aku bermain-main dengan rencana. Mencari tahu tempat ini dan itu agar siapa tahu suatu hari kita bisa kesana. Makan yang enak dan makan yang banyak. Atau jalan-jalan sampai kelelahan. Ah Maret, tapi apa kau mau? Jika tidak mau, dengar saja ceritaku ya. Aku akan mencobanya sendiri. Asalkan janji, jangan iri. Tapi kalau kau tak iri, aku bisa menangis berhari-hari. Ah ternyata, kau memang tak peduli. Pantas saja orang bilang kalau wanita memang susah dimengerti.

Apa kau tahu yang aku lakukan ketika merindukanmu?

Aku menjadi mudah berair mata. Ada nyeri di dada yang datang sesekali atau sebongkah perasaan yang mampir di sekitar rahang sehingga membuatku sulit tersenyum dengan riang. Tapi jangan sering begitu, katamu, tak baik untuk kesehatan. Nanti cepat tua! Ah, aku kan ingin cantik. Bagaimana dong? Air matanya sering nyelonong keluar sendiri, Maret. Aku terlalu cepat terbawa perasaan. Lalu aku bisa berubah menjadi iri hati pada mereka yang bisa bertemu sesuka hati. Tapi tetap saja tak mensyukuri. Ah, mungkin memang lebih baik aku menjauhi film, fiksi, atau lagu yang sedih-sedih. Walaupun kau tahu, aku suka sekali genre melankolis semacam itu.

Pada akhirnya, aku hanya ingin berpesan bahwa aku akan selalu ada untuk mendukungmu. Janganlah kalah dengan kesibukanmu, yang membuat kita terpedaya seperti tak lagi menyapa atau lupa kepada Pencipta. Janganlah berpaling dengan keakuanmu, yang menyulitkanmu meluangkan waktu entah beberapa menit dari seribu empat ratus empat puluh menit yang dikasih Tuhan dalam sehari. Aku tak perlu banyak, Maret. Sedikit saja. Percayalah, yang sedikit itu bisa membantuku memperbaiki hariku. Dan aku merasa berharga. Aku merasa diinginkan. Bukankah itu perasaan yang membuat kita bahagia, Maret?

Saat aku menulis ini, aku pun sedang merindukanmu Maret. Selalu. Rasa yang tumbuh dengan ranum dan terlalu. Kau tahu yang aku lakukan saat ini dalam keriduanku? Aku diam, Maret. Aku terbiasa diam. Aku ingin kau belajar untuk tahu perasaan itu melalui dirimu. Dan aku pikir kamu telah belajar banyak, Maret. Terima kasih. Aku merindukanmu. Ah iya, pada akhirnya ego harus mengalah. Aku tak tahan untuk tak mengucap itu. Hei, aku merindukanmu! :)

Image taken from here.


I’m learning to balance my life these days like waking up earlier then drinking cold water mixed with honey and eating some fruits in the morning. Water with honey is very good for health like what Rasulullah used to do in the morning. It can clean saliva, stimulate digestive system and make you fit all day. It works!

I’m trying to leave office on time so I can come back to my boarding house for a while and take a bath before going to lecture. After having Magrib prayer, I walk fast and chase the bus. It needs an hour to arrive but I feel much fresher and more energy to study. Inappropriate sweat sometimes makes you feel terrible. So I think it can be good idea sometimes. Besides, I learn to focus on my duty better and work more efficiently to be accomplished in time.

Also, I’m urging myself not to be disturbed by unimportant things and for example, yes, I have such a weird behavior. I can’t bare myself to see any dust or falling hair in my room. If there it is, I can’t sleep so I will collect the hair on the floor one by one, repeat it two and three times, and take tissues or disinfectant to clean the dust or any bothering views. I am so sensitive about these and used to doing it almost every night. Unfortunately, my hair falls often so it means the more I feel terrible about cleaning. But I think it’s not that bad. My mom gets that behavior too. She can’t stand to find out any dirty stuff then clean it directly and she can sweep the rooms for many times a day and not be easily satisfied after cleaning up. And those habits are inherited to me. LOL.

September 8, 2012

#8 Maret untuk Mei: Hatimu Adalah Rumahku, Dan Selalu Begitu.

Dear Mei,

Tak peduli seberapa jauh aku melangkah atau selama apa aku pergi, aku pasti akan kembali padamu. Karena kau adalah rumah - tempatku bersandar dengan nyaman dan bercerita dengan aman. Karena kau adalah rumah - tempatku meminta dukungan dan merayakan kebahagiaan.

Tak peduli berapa banyak orang yang aku temui atau hal-hal yang aku amati, aku pasti akan kembali padamu. Karena kau adalah ruang rindu yang kupupuk dengan sujud dan syukur yang syahdu. Karena kau adalah ruang rindu - yang hanya satu. Dan membuat ladang harapanku bertumbuh setiap waktu.

Pada akhirnya, kita selalu butuh tempat untuk pulang bukan? Begitu pun aku. Aku membutuhkanmu.

Tetaplah menjadi bangunanku yang menyangga saat aku lemah dan menyambut dengan riang saat aku datang. Tak ada yang lebih baik dari itu.

Hatimu adalah rumahku, dan selalu begitu.

Image taken from here.

September 7, 2012

Patahan #63

Having wide point of view will save you out from the pathetic way of thinking :)

Sometimes I feel upset with men who are used to ignoring women's role in life or assuming that women are not proper to be good in academic and carrier. Sadly, people force their opinions by bringing some certain customs or religions without being well-mannered and bringing comprehensive understanding itself.

I keep learning because it is the way to appreciate myself as a woman. I keep learning because I believe Allah loves everyone who has willingness to gain knowledge and utilizes his/her ability for another people. I keep learning because it's the shortest road to change the history line of family, to rescue from poverty, and to move on toward the better life.

Do not worry, as a woman, we know when and where to stop. We used to be taught and raised with that nature. And no doubt, Allah is indeed very kind giving women so many favors like to have deep feeling, to be multitasking, to build great instinct, to be strong hiding the pain, and to have a lot of roles in life: as daughter, sister, friend, being the most beautiful bless as a God's creation completing the man - as a wife and having the best job in the world - as a mother. And we will not forget that role, never :)

I'm a woman and I'm so grateful of being that way. Thank You Allah.

September 4, 2012

#22 Self Note: Be Strong and Stronger Then :)

Finally, I go to university again! It means one of my two resolutions in 2012 has been reached. I hope I will get the progress for the second one soon before the year ends :)

Deciding university is a big confusion and you have to consider with the office hours and official activities besides the budget of your savings. But I really want to go to state university and at least get S1 degree. It is one of my dream :)

I once enrolled myself in a private university in Kuningan area. Unfortunately, it didn't open management class because of the lack of participants but I insisted to choose management when the committee asked me to turn to accounting. I chose to ask refund and searched for another place. But for the gift, I got new Alma-mater coat for collection, yeah :p

After that, my boyfriend got some info and he asked me to register to 'alih program' in Universitas Negeri Jakarta. I did online registration and prepared myself to follow the test. I bought a book of selection-test for state university not only for facing the test but also for waking up my brain. Huhuhu. The selection was held on July and would be announced on August. After waiting anxiously and the crazy traffic of site that couldn't be reached that day, I passed the test and became one from another thirty participants accepted in management class. It was blessing of mother's prayer. Thank You Allah.

I am so grateful and Allah is indeed very kind. I can go to state university with department that I want and the tuition is quite affordable. In my deepest heart, I still crave for the state university with yellow-jacket in Salemba but I can't handle the tuition which is too expensive for me that means taking almost my whole saving. But life is choice. Like my friend said, "When you want X-factor, you need to sacrifice Y-factor". And no doubt that Allah knows the best for me. Life needs rationality too :)

Sometimes I hope I can feel learning experience there for once in my life time like following English conversation class in Depok every weekend but it clashes with my lecturing class and I need to meet my boyfriend that I miss everyday and I just can see once in two or three weeks. But still, I have to be very grateful. Again, Thank You Allah.

After converting the transcript, there are many majors that I have to accomplish and I need 2,5 years to graduate. In this case, I just realize that your GPA and score in D3 influence a lot in conversion result so you don't need to study over the majors that you have passed before. It means it's going to shorten your lecturing time and focus on choosing your concentration majors. I hope I don't need more semester to pass, please. Graduating soon, getting married soon. LOL.

Now my days are very full. The schedule is from Monday to Saturday that means I have to manage my time carefully. I often feel so tired that I can sleep directly without changing my clothes and cleaning up and it's not a good habit. But I have quite fun. I can find many friends from various background and another world outside the job that will enrich my life.

Be strong and stronger, then :)

September 2, 2012

Patahan #62

"Jika kau bisa bersikap baik dan manis dengan rekan kerjamu, kenapa tidak dengan pasanganmu?"

 Sometimes I wonder.

random pict from google

August 30, 2012

Sisterhood #2

I thought having weekend faster was not bad idea :)

Nur Khalimah - friend of mine in my boarding house - has been like a real sister. She is very kind, a good listener, and a loving person. I still remember when I was sick then she made a cup of hot chicken soup to heal the cold and let me sleep in her room when I cried a lot.

friendship. me (second sister), mbak nur (oldest sister), brama (older brother) :p

It was Thursday. She asked me to accompany her watching "Cinta Suci Zahrana" - one of Indonesia movie based on bestseller novel by Habiburrahman El Shirazy. It was my first time to watch in Atrium cinema because I was quite afraid to be there alone with some disturbing strangers around and the quality of theater was not so good. But it was the closest place with our office, so we directly went there after office hours, had break-fasting and Magrib prayer, then enjoyed the movie time!

The movie was about a thirty-something-yo woman who worked as lecturer and had just finished her education in Beijing but still hadn't got married. Her parents hoped that she would find her mate soon before they passed away but it was quite difficult for her. Many men tried to propose her - from her dean in the university, parents of her tutoring students until her lecturers' partners but it seemed not right and she still waited for something better. She took big risks and faced a lot of sad and terrible experiences to hold her faith and her heart - from losing her job, getting revenge from her dean, failure of marriage because her fiance died the day before, the death of her dad, until big depression of hers. But finally the patience met her with someone who really loved her since she was as a lecturer - and they got married. Yeah, happy ending!

Mbak Nur cried a lot beside me and we laughed so hard, commented the movie and the handsome actors yeah, and talked about scenes that sometimes happened to us too - yeah to the single ladies.

Then we realized that we shared a lot about marriage these days, about raising babies, and about being a wife, LOL. Many things that I didn't know and life ran so fast. Some of my best friends would get married one by one in the near weeks or months. I would miss them :')

So after that, we went home with better mood and spirit. Though it was Thursday and it was the end of the month, we still could find cheap and relaxing enjoyment to relieve from the hectic hours, be young, and be human again!

Yeah, movie time after office hours is a good idea. We should try it in another time! :D

Previous  sisterhood story is here.

Mother's Cooking

Mother's cooking is like heaven. I miss it everyday and distance irresponsibly makes it more delicious.

Have you ever tasted food that makes you cry successfully?

Yes, I have - mostly in two moments. First, when I've been so starving and officially broke then heihooo payday's coming - so I can buy good food and eat like having nothing for all day. It used to happen when I was in college. And yeah, I cried while eating and mumbling, "Ooh, it is so good!"

Second, when I'm away from home and I still can enjoy my mom's cooking. Mom used to send me package of love regularly before having examination. And when I go home, I love bringing some food so I can enjoy it in my boarding house - like what mom prepared for my coming back after Eid-ul-Fitr celebration, she asked me to bring beef stews, chips, and some homemade cookies. I warm the stews for days but the cookies run out fast (the jar is empty now, it's sad!). Oh, I do love those sprinkles cookies and kaasstengels - both recipes are inherited from generation to generation. I feel her love on them that arouses the appetite and I can cry.

Mom is my inspiration to learn cooking. She told me that she had no skill and ability to cook when she got married. But Dad gave chances and supports to learn - and grandmother taught her many recipes. Mom absorbed the lessons by helping grandmother cook everyday. And now, she is superchef for us!

I believe that every woman has nature on it - no matter what the background is. All we need is a lot of practices and chances to begin. I don't have many tools to learn in my boarding house and the herbs are easily rotten, so I just try to cook the simple ones, replace the baked cake with steamed cake (because there is no oven), and you'll find out that rice cooker is magically multifunctional!

Thank you Mom for the healthy delicious food created by your hands and your heart that makes us grow up and takes us until this far :')

Aku Suka Puisi Ini #2: Zarry Hendrik - Semoga Tidak Kamu Lagi

Ada rasa sedih saat melihatmu bahagia, bukan karna aku tidak ingin kamu bahagia, melainkan karena bukan aku yang membahagiakanmu.

Itu menyakitkan. Seperti pukulan yang sebenarnya ingin buatku tersadar. Mungkin ini waktu untuk aku terpuruk. Supaya aku dapat melihat Tuhan memakaikan kenangan ini untuk buatku dipenuhi kesiapan. Sehingga doa dapat melahirkan semangat dan kemudian buatku bangkit.

Namun ketahuilah sebelum aku sudah tak lagi mencintaimu ini darahku mengalir membawa bayang-bayangmu, mengelilingi tubuhku, dan jantungku berdenting demi kau menari-nari di pikiranku.

Ada satu hal yang sampai hari ini masih membuat aku bangga menjadi aku, yaitu karena aku mampu terima kamu apa adanya.

Aku meminta ampun kepada Tuhan, sebab aku pernah berharap kalau suatu saat, ketika angin menghempasku hilang dari daya ingatmu, aku ingin tidak lagi menginjak bumi. Sebab hidup terasa bagaikan dinding yang dingin.

Aku harus menjadi paku. Kamu yang bagai lukisan dan cinta itu palunya. Memukul aku, memukul aku, dan memukul aku sampai aku benar-benar menancap kuat.

Pada akhirnya, semoga tidak kamu lagi yang aku lihat sebagai satu-satunya cahaya di dalam pejamku sebelum pulas.

Taken from this.

#21 Self Note

Writing is indeed a great escape. It provides me enjoyment and entertains me from having broken heart and disappointment, lalala. And it feels like I jump to the other world and forget what's surrounding me T_T

Surely, blogging is the guilty pleasure allowed by my boss (thanks! :D). After accomplishing the tasks given or in the less hectic days, I am used to stealing some minutes to open my blog site and write ideas that pop in my mind. My blog is just like a diary and sharing positive things actually gives me better health and mood. Writing also stimulates your brain to keep young by trying to remember moments and picking the right words to compose. You learn much too by reading, blogwalking, and finding the matters and it's more useful than having a-wrong-time-nap in cubicle. Such an alibi for me, yay! *cheeks pinched*

But I'm not good in writing long story, I often lose my focus and lack of details. I prefer the short ones. I think people who can produce hundreds of pages novel and writings are amazing!

Sometimes my boss asks me to write articles or reports because of this behaviour. It's been a lot of fun though writing scientific work is much more difficult than writing the fiction. Yeah, it is! I compare it with essay or papers because you can't put any emotion in it and you need the reliable data and observations. Yeah, imagination is not enough. LOL.

Bad Habit

I have a bad habit that comes up when I'm stressful and get nothing to do in my room. I cut my own hair no matter how the result is. The result is not so bad, but also not so good. Then I regret that why I cut it.

I had long hair from kindergarten to high school. Dad didn't allow me to have shorter hair thought i hated it because it was frizzy and unmanageable. But Mom always treated it patiently, smeared hair oil regularly to make it smooth and black, and decorated it with cute ribbons and colorful bands. I loved collecting them. Thank you Mom :)

I tried to cut it by myself in second semester after having examination and dealing with experience that troubled my mind. I wanted to have bangs so I grasped hair in the front part and shaped it. I needed long time to make my bangs roll. But finally I did. Now I have bangs that I can show off to my self and to the mirror on the wall :p

I've never been satisfied with my haircut maybe I just haven't found the right hairdresser. Sometimes it's not like what I want and sometimes it has worse volume than it should be. Huksss. So I made my first experiment to have short hair by cutting it extremely to shape chin-bob style. There were a lot of hair left in the floor and I wanted to cry! But after some weeks, it was not curly anymore, I liked the wave! But I just needed better mentality to do it.

As you know, wearing hijab needs more intensive hair care because dandruff can be easier to grow and to get hair lost. Sometimes activity made me too tired to have any hair care, so I wanted to let it fresh - I was tempted to do it again. At first it felt good but I missed my long hair.

Yeah, I miss it!

And I promise to myself that I will not cut it anymore - at least, not in impulsive way like that. Because I want to have long hair when I get married. I'm sure that I still have enough time. Please hair, grow faster! LOL.

August 29, 2012

Colon Dash Close-Parenthesis

It is one of the most beautiful moments ever in my life.

And I am so happy until I can't sleep. I remember every detail that gracefully dances in my mind. It's like I have abundant energy for several days. I smile a lot and my cheeks blush like falling in love for the first time.

Have you ever felt the emotion that your heart bits so fast against the fear and it won't be easier to pass the things that you can't stop thinking - but finally everything runs well - better than your expectation?

It seems like I find the right track - everything is much clearer now.

Thank You Allah for opening my eyes wider and for helping me to deal with my negative feelings. And I realize that it's not the phase to complain about the worthless things while something worth is being prepared silently and surprisingly for me.

I need to be grateful more and more :')

August 23, 2012

Eid Mubarak :)

Finally, after all these years, we could gather and capture photo together - three generations of Zaki Mubarak Badres as my grandfather's and in this picture, he was sitting in the front :D

Happy Eid Mubarak. Hope Allah's love bless all of us. Forgive me for the mistakes dear friends :)

Aku Suka Puisi Ini #1: Soe Hok Gie - Sebuah Tanya

Akhirnya semua akan tiba
Pada suatu hari yang biasa
Pada suatu ketika yang telah lama kita ketahui

Apakah kau masih berbicara selembut dahulu
Memintaku minum susu dan tidur yang lelap
Sambil membenarkan letak leher kemejaku

Kabut tipis pun turun pelan-pelan
Di lembah kasih, lembah Mandalawangi
Kau dan aku tegak berdiri
Melihat hutan-hutan yang menjadi suram
Meresapi belaian angin yang menjadi dingin

Apakah kau masih membelaiku semesra dahulu
Ketika kudekap kau
Dekaplah lebih mesra, lebih dekat

Lampu-lampu berkelipan di Jakarta yang sepi
Kota kita berdua, yang tua dan terlena dalam mimpinya
Kau dan aku berbicara
Tanpa kata, tanpa suara

Ketika malam yang basah menyelimuti Jakarta kita
Apakah kau masih akan berkata
Kudengar derap jantungmu
Kita begitu berbeda dalam semua
Kecuali dalam cinta

Hari pun menjadi malam
Kulihat semuanya menjadi suram
Wajah-wajah yang tidak kita kenal berbicara
Dalam bahasa yang kita tidak mengerti
Seperti kabut pagi itu

Manisku, aku akan jalan terus
Membawa kenang-kenangan dan harapan-harapan
Bersama hidup yang begitu biru

Jakarta, Selasa, 1 April 1969

Just Because

Woman: "Because I have to be strong all the time. It's tiring. I can't be perfect every time. I know that I am used to figuring out everything by myself but all I need is... you want to understand me just a little bit - please, just a little bit. And you don't mind being next to me sometimes, sending me smiley emoticon for relieving my bad morning or a simple goodnight before going to sleep. And please, don't neglect when I miss you. Because it hurts realizing that this feeling becomes useless. I mean nothing for you"  

Man: "So after these far, loving you is just about that? And you want to break it?"  

Woman: "..."  

Man: "Have you ever known that I miss you too much? Everyday. But what can I do? I'm just able to send you prayers - in silence. Because it hurts realizing that I can't help when you need, I can't see your face, I can't hear your voice, and I save everything by myself - in silence. I don't want to make you sad, but I know that I still can't do the best of me. I'm sorry. I don't mean to, I just want you to be tough. If you are, I do believe that it's good for your life dear. Please, I'm sorry. If you don't say, I never know. I don't know that's what you want me to do. I don't know that you miss me too. I don't know..."  

Woman: "Honey..."  

Man: "Yeah?"  

Woman: "I'm sorry"  

Man: "Please help me to make this relationship work out. We won't give up, will we?"

Just because someone doesn't love you as the way you want them to,doesn't mean they don't love you with everything they have ~

We Used To Be Good Friends

We used to be good friends.

I remember the first time we met and you gave me your own made sandwiches. You knew the address from someone's database. In my first impression, your face indicated like having Arabic or India blood but you're pure Javanese in fact. Before that, we just said hello in social media - and you always wrote posts in English, talked fluently in Japanese, and shared about many general issues. Sometimes i didn't know what you actually meant and i learned much from you. You've been so smart. Yes, you are.

I remember how you cared to me a lot - even more than yourself. You reminded me to eat regularly and have good rests. Otherwise, you sent me food directly to my boarding house then hung it on the fence - no matter what time it was - either midnight or dawn. I got mad with your behavior of forcing me to eat, but I realized that it was for my goodness. Then I took it and what was in the plastic bag often surprised me.

I remember how great you helped me when I was in trouble. When I was robbed and all of things in my bag were lost - I felt extremely upset. You asked me to calm down and gifted me new prayer clothes and USB flash drive to replace the lost ones. I still save it until right now.

I remember how enthusiastic you supported me about education and my passion of being a writer. You introduced me to some literature in foreign language, new good books to increase my motivation, and you got me one thing i dreamed about - fairy tale book in exclusive hardcover. You often asked me to some international expos - I couldn't be there mostly but you never forgot to bring me something as souvenir or England map with colleges address on it. I never knew how you could make it possible to make me happy.

I remember when your leg was in injury. But you still made your promises to take me to cafe which served purple ice cream. You went there and tried to find the place earlier in the afternoon. I felt terrible because you did hurt yourself. But it was the time we went out together and I appreciated it.

I remember that you do love postage stamps. And you're a very good listener. We used to share things with letter or messages about anything - about any which disturbed my mind and yours. And you always treat your friends very well - even too well. When the statement that once came from my mouth, "Friendship may end in love, but love never ends in friendship" - it unexpectedly really bothered you. Although I just found that note from an article in magazine but you took it seriously.

And confession made everything like trouble. Nobody was wrong. It was me - who was afraid to say the truth. To say that we couldn't and we shouldn't. I didn't give any decision. And it was like trouble - most of my friends didn't like you unreasonably and it was so awkward to let us this close. You should blame me for this. And you were my friend. Yes, you were.

Months and months and I kept concealing anything. I was in love with someone and I made my first relationship. You and I had tried to fix the friendship - but it failed. We were like strangers. I couldn't deal with my big ego and you were like hiding something that you couldn't forgive or forget. It's sad.

Thank you for everything you did and had been there in my bad times and good times. May Allah bless you with happiness and easiness in life.

August 16, 2012

Patahan #61

"Tuhanmu tiada meninggalkanmu dan tiada pula membencimu" [Ad-Dhuha, 93:3]

Allah bukan hanya milik orang yang saleh tetapi juga orang yang salah. Yes, Allah never leaves me :')

Walking Together

“Bertemulah hanya sekali-sekali, dengan itu cinta bersemi” – Ali Bin Abi Thalib.

Kita telah berjanji untuk berjalan bersama. Walau hanya berjalan, tak semudah itu. Aku dan kamu masih bersisihan di jalan yang berbeda - menjalani hidup masing-masing dan memupuk kapasitas diri, lalu kita sama-sama bertemu dengan banyak orang dan menjaring pengalaman. Jangan lupakan setiap langkah yang kamu ambil, setiap lubang yang kamu hindari, atau pemandangan indah yang kamu tangkap di antara fajar dan senja hari - agar jika tiba waktunya, kamu bisa menceritakannya padaku. Sehingga walaupun aku tak pernah melihat jejakmu, aku bisa seakan-akan berada di sisimu - menikmati sinar mentari yang menyentuh kulitmu dan menghirup udara pagi yang menghidupi paru-parumu.

"Aku sedih sekali. Aku tak pernah bisa melakukan apa yang seharusnya kulakukan"

"Memang apa yang seharusnya kau lakukan?"

"Seperti mereka..."

"Tak perlu"

"Aku hanya bisa mendoakanmu - dalam sujud singkat dan panjangku"

"Terima kasih. Itulah yang paling aku perlukan. Doamu - yang langsung akan mengubah hidupku, mempermudah jalanku, menjagaku baik-baik selalu. Saat ini tak ada yang lebih baik dari itu"


Tetaplah berjalan bersama, jangan kau ragu, bersabarlah dengan perkara cinta dan waktu. Teruslah mencapai cita dan asamu, hingga akhirnya kita tiba di persimpangan - untuk mempertemukan aku dan kamu menuju jalan yang satu. Yang kita tunggu.

Image taken from here

Anak Abah :)

Kalau ditanya, siapa orang yang paling berpengaruh dalam hidup saya - orang itu adalah Abah :)

Tak henti-hentinya saya menulis tentang beliau. Beliau yang rutin membawa saya ke toko buku sejak kecil, membelikan beberapa buku saku yang saat itu harganya masih lima ratus rupiah, piknik membawa tikar dan bekal ke Taman Ria atau kebun binatang, mengajak saya menonton film animasi dan keluarga terbaru mulai dari Home Alone, Lion King sampai Harry Potter, bersepeda dari rumah ke rumah memenuhi panggilan memperbaiki televisi atau radio pelanggan, dan pulangnya membeli susu, makanan enak, atau buah-buahan agar saya tak sakit-sakitan.

Abah selalu mengajarkan untuk bekerja keras - tak boleh meminta dan hidup harus berjuang. Jika saat ini pernah miskin, maka tak boleh lagi di hari kemudian. Anak-anak harus sekolah, harus rajin belajar - karena pendidikan adalah jalan untuk mengubah nasib dan sejarah kemiskinan. Tak apa bersusah payah bekerja seharian, yang penting nutrisi keluarga tak kekurangan. Tak apa jarang membeli pakaian, baju yang sama - cuci pakai setiap hari, yang penting anak-anak pakai baju yang sepadan. Tak apa bersakit-sakit membangun kehidupan, asalkan tak hidup dari belas kasihan orang.

Kini usia Abah sudah lebih dari setengah abad dan rambutnya sudah beruban hampir keseluruhan. Tatapannya masih hangat. Tubuhnya masih sehat. Ibadahnya taat. Hasil kerjanya masih cermat. Kata-katanya semakin bijak, "Jangan menyerah, Allah akan menjawab doamu" "Abah doakan pasti nanti kamu bisa kesana"

Wajahnya selalu berseri-seri saat aku pulang, diantar kemana-mana - bahkan libur bekerja hanya untuk bisa bercerita dan menikmati waktu bersama. Abah tak banyak bicara - jika kebetulan saya menelpon dan beliau yang mengangkat maka beliau hanya menanyakan pertanyaan yang berulang-ulang. "Sehat-sehat kan?" "Bagaimana di kantor?". Dan saya bercerita panjang lebar, lagi dan lagi - beliau mendengarkan dengan seksama. Ah, menyenangkan sekali.

Saya tak pernah siap membayangkan betapa luar biasa haru yang harus beliau tahan jika saat itu datang - bukan karena tak restu tapi karena kesepian seperti membiarkan hati lepas sebagian. Ada begitu banyak kekhawatiran. Tidak ada ayah yang ingin anak perempuannya disia-siakan, sebagaimana mereka telah mendidik dan membesarkan dengan begitu banyak kasih sayang, kehormatan, dan penghargaan.

Tapi di balik semua itu, ada begitu banyak doa, harapan, dan nasihat yang tak lekang oleh zaman. 

Abah, engkau lelaki hebat. Selalu, please have long life for me, for us. There are too many things that I haven't done for you.


Patahan #60

Benarlah manusia itu harus diajari dengan cara-cara yang baik dan lemah lembut. Karena fitrah hati itu menyukai kebenaran dan menyukai yang lemah lembut. Jika diajari dengan cara yang keras, maka hatinya pun akan menjadi keras. Bahkan kalimat-kalimat Allah dalam Al-Qur'an saja diuntaikan-Nya dengan demikian halus dan indah :)

“Allah Mahalembut terhadap hamba-hamba-Nya, Dia memberi rizki kepada siapa yang dikehendaki-Nya dan Dialah yang Mahakuat lagi Mahaperkasa.” (Asy-Syuura: 19)

#20 Self Note

Senin, 13 Agustus 2012.

Ini adalah keempat kalinya saya izin sejenak 2 atau 3 jam dari kantor untuk mengurus berkas-berkas perkuliahan. Hari ini saya ingin menyelesaikan yang tersisa yakni melengkapi berkas pemeriksaan kesehatan yang berlaku untuk semua calon mahasiswa baik reguler maupun alih program. Dan memang, menunggu hasil test rontgen adalah prosedur yang menjemukan - dengan nomor antrean 1743 - dan sudah menjalani test sejak hari Kamis, entah kapan peluang saya untuk bisa dipanggil oleh panitia dan mengikuti prosedur pemeriksaan lanjutan oleh dokter kampus.

Sesuai jadwal, ini adalah hari terakhir pengumpulan berkas - sudah dua jam - dan belum juga ada tanda-tanda saya akan dipanggil, sementara atasan saya sudah menghubungi karena ada tugas yang harus diselesaikan. Semakin lama antrean semakin panjang dan berdesakan. Semua gelisah dan saya pun demikian - berdoa dalam hati memaksa Tuhan untuk mengabulkan permintaan agar nama saya yang dipanggil.

"Tolong ya Rabb, namaku yang dipanggil ya Rabb, tolong ya Rabb"

Dan nama saya juga belum dipanggil.

Tapi benarlah bahwa Allah Maha Mendengar dan selalu punya cara untuk menjawab doa-doa kita, bisa saja terwujud, bisa saja ditunda sejenak, tapi bisa juga tidak - karena ada hal lain yang memang lebih baik terjadi. Semacam keajaiban.

Nama saya memang belum juga dipanggil, tapi di antara kerumunan orang itu - tiba-tiba saya melihat seseorang yang tak asing yakni calon teman sekelas yang baru saya kenal beberapa hari yang lalu. Dia memanggil-manggil saya dan menyampaikan kalimat yang sangat melegakan, "Berkasnya bisa langsung dikumpulkan saja, tidak perlu menunggu hasil test selanjutnya"

Syukurlah. Setelah itu saya langsung kembali ke kantor.

Alhamdulillah, nama saya memang tidak kunjung dipanggil oleh panitia sesuai permohonan saya kepada-Nya, tetapi Dia mewujudkan sesuatu yang lebih baik, yakni mempertemukan saya dengan seorang teman yang membawa kabar baik untuk saya. Allah Maha Tahu.

“Berdoalah kepadaKu niscaya akan Aku perkenankan bagimu". (QS. Ghofir: 60)