April 30, 2013

Jet Lag - but Grateful :D

I am quite nervous to start studying in this campus again with the new status as Diploma Four STAN student. I will be here for more or less 2.5 years. It feels like I am having jet lag while I used to work in office with 7 to 5 working hours, pressures, and time runs so fast - but now here I am. I am in class with books, laptop, and more leisure time. Time walks slower here of course. Or maybe, it's just a part of adaptation, as always.

The registration was held in April 29. My heart beat fast, I couldn't sleep that day. It felt so awkward at first, haha. Most of us changed a lot, but I really missed that situation. We were gathered in Student Centre, we knew each other - it felt so good to meet friends from other institution and shared experiences. Then we were given explanation about syllabus and rules, and speech from Director. I can conclude that it won't be easy, but it won't be hard too. There will be orientation in third week. I have no idea how it will be, huksss. Break the leg! :D

I still stay in Deasy's boarding house in Pondok Jaya until today. I am really thankful to her and her family to be very kind to me. May Allah love you more and more, dear. I hope I can move to my room soon this weekend. I really can't wait. I'm sure Allah will always protect me and teach me to be patient :') Fortunately, I don't feel so lonely these days. But I still wake up too early because mister cock crows and  wakes me up before dawn, LOL. I lose my appetite too - though there are a lot of fairly-cheap-good-culinary here. Come on, not good, icha.

My class has started for three days. I start to enjoy my class. Most of them are seniors, come from various background, and some already got married, but there is no gap - and we feel much younger, haha. The lecturers are awesome. I think my brain burns after freezing for so long, haha. Please brain, be a good partner. Embrace yourself for deadlines, papers and presentations too, LOL.

My outfit style is back like 5 years ago - plain shirts, skirts, and flat shoes. Let me be a cute student, please :D I'm gonna miss my office styles, batik, heels, and some natural make up. Good bye for a while :(

I meet my old friends here too. They don't change at all, still funny and kind. We've been together for 3 years in treasury class. When I walked alone to have dinner, suddenly I met them. They kidnapped and treated me without saying where to go. "Let the employers pay. Students just keep being students" - they said. Oh please I feel like... -___- But yeah! Ah thank you, I don't feel so alone then.


And, at last - him. He will always be my sweetest one. He really works hard these days. He really cares to me. I know that he really tries. I can feel him so close to me. Please, take care your health. May Allah guide you always :')

Ready for May. Ready for new path. Grateful, fight, live younger, and cheriooo!

April 28, 2013

This is Farewell!

Friday, April 26.

It was the last day I worked normally in office before I started my study assignment on Monday. I've been officially placed in local grant sub directorate since June 2011, so it's almost two years. I'm gonna miss my cubicle, my friends, my daily duties, and my beautiful boss - she's been like our mother in office. She was very kind to me and always gave me a lot of opportunities to learn new things everyday :')

together :)

I understand that the best thing I have learned from working is about being patience. Sometimes tasks come without any stop, and I just can inhale and exhale to handle my emotion. Still, about being nice - how to treat seniors, friends, boss, or any stakeholders right. And, about being grateful - because being trusted to handle some assignments are things that should be grateful, right? It's been so relieving when I think I can't do it, but hey... I can do it. I can conquer my fears. I can do it :)

I was so sad to enter other rooms in 12th floor and ask for leave by myself. They gave me a lot of beautiful prayers and advices. My co-workers treated for dinner in Bandar Djakarta, we took some pictures together, and had short boat trip as facilities provided there. After dinner, they delivered some notes and testimony for me. It made me touched. They loved me. Ibu Rita hugged me and suggested me to get married soon, LOL. My head section said he was proud of me :') And I cried when Mas Agung started to speak. He was my best brother, a really good friend who helped and taught me a lot in office. Friend to argue, friend to share, thank you. Thank you :')

Mas Agung :D

three warriors of section two :D

I was ready to move on. Cheerio!

#13 Maret untuk Mei: Ah, Mei. What Can I Say?

"Kapan terakhir kali kau merasa bebas?" lontarnya sambil membereskan piring-piring sisa makanan di meja. Aku tak jadi bersendawa. Mungkin, ini jebakan. Mei dan pertanyaan liarnya, selalu. Tak ada yang bisa menahan itu.

"Mungkin, saat aku benar-benar lepas dari rutinitas. Seperti melakukan apa yang benar-benar aku suka" jawabku. Tidak menjawab yang dia mau, sebenarnya. Di sana, tidak ada keterangan waktu.

Dia tersenyum. Apa aku salah bicara? Oh, Tuhan. Dia cantik sekali. Kecantikan yang merusak rasionalitas dan objektivitasku.

"Kenapa bertanya demikian? Apa kau sedang tak bahagia?"

"Bagiku dan denganmu, tidak ada alasan untuk tidak bahagia" gumamnya teduh bersamaan dengan rintik hujan yang jatuh dengan berisik. Awan meninabobokan langit. Angin mengetuk daun jendela. Dia berlari mengangkat setumpuk cucian kering, melemparnya ke dalam keranjang, dan berlari tanpa jeda - lebih kencang menuju keluar rumah.

Lama sekali. Dia belum kembali.

Aku mulai khawatir, mengambil payung, dan menyusulnya keluar.

"Mei, apa yang kau lakukan?"

Dia berdiri menikmati hujan. Dia biarkan pakaiannya basah. Dia terlihat bahagia, bahagia sekali.

"Kapan terakhir kali kau menikmati hujan? Ah, this... Aku merasa bebas, bebas sekali!"

"Nanti kau sakit..."

"Ayo kesini..."

"Mei..."

"Jangan takut. Kalau aku sakit kan ada kamu. Selama ada kamu, aku tak takut"

Lalu aku membiarkan kepalaku sejenak dipukuli hujan sambil memastikan dia berada di pelukan. Aku harus menahan lenganku agar dia tak kedinginan dan pelan-pelan membujuknya masuk ke dalam rumah.

"Sudah puas?"

Dia mengangguk. "Terima kasih, Maret. Am I weird?"

"No. You are special"

Dia bersin-bersin.

"Sebenarnya... tadi aku hanya mau dipeluk di bawah hujan! You've been so busy these days you know. Aku seperti kehilangan dirimu, huh! Dan kamu, dengan kebebasanmu, bersemangatlah jagoan!"


Ah, really?

***

Sore itu, dia membuatkanku segelas kopi dan dua piring pancake.
.
.
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Ah, Mei. What can I say? Even, I love you is not enough! :)




Complete chapters are here.

Cute picture taken from here.

April 13, 2013

Patahan #74

Here is some words that successfully help me to handle myself:

Rasulullah SAW bersabda: "Jika engkau menginginkan sesuatu perkara, maka pelan-pelanlah (tenanglah), hingga Allah SWT akan menunjukkan padamu jalan keluarnya" (HR. Bukhari)

:)

***

Bukankah Allah merahasiakan masa depan untuk menguji kita agar berbaik sangka? Dan bukankah Allah adalah seperti apa yang diprasangkakan kepadaNya?

So, have faith and keep calm Icha!

April 12, 2013

Aprilicious!

Here is April. It means it is the last month I work normally in office. I promise to myself that I will accomplish all of my responsibilities before I leave for studying. I already found a room to stay there, alhamdulillah. Then, after the last week, rain hit me again. But I didn't feel terrible because of three reasons:  it was the best time when prayers accepted, somebody accompanied me so I was not alone, and we stopped by in Roti Bakar Eddy Bintaro to take some evening snacks and dinner. I loved it :)

Next, I got a chance to visit Balikpapan. Actually, it was my first time to set foot in Borneo. Balikpapan is awesome. The city is pretty clean and neat. The food is really good, and I said 'see you diet' for a while again (oh, well). The city is near to beaches, it is one of seaports in Borneo and it contributes large number of total oil production in national scale. You can see Pertamina really takes care the city. But such a paradox, the filling stations are very limited there, long queue of buyers seems a common view. Hmmm.

I also had my first time experience being the last minutes passengers boarding to flight. I couldn't say how nervous we were and my heart wanted to run as fast as we ran. I was so pale. Fortunately we still had chance to enter the plane. Oh please, my co-workers are risk takers!

I realize that my cheeks are growing up, LOL. So I push myself to drink green tea, eat more fruit, and run run run! It's not easy to make it routine actually. My legs seem painful in the morning, yeah :/

I bought new book this month. I miss reading light novel because office hours really absorb the energy. I prefer to spend my leisure time by sleeping and washing clothes then (or, checking timeline, fine!). Magically, I found this book in best seller stacks, "Leafie: Ayam Buruk Rupa dan Itik Kesayangannya". A wisdom novel from Korea written by Hwang Sun-Mi. The story completed with colorful illustration. It is the second book I've ever read that really made me cry effortlessly after reading the saddest graphic novel Laika: First Dog Sent to Space. And she didn't survive :'(

Lastly, I miss my friends, like... really.
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So April, thank you and please be delicious like Aprilicious! :)


Picture taken here.

April 11, 2013

Dream Journal

I dream a lot these days. Most of my dreams are about the people I miss: mom, dad, boyfriend, and when I wake up I am so grateful to Allah - for letting me see them in my dream. They feel so close. I can see them so close to me.

My latest dream is about office thingy. Weird. Maybe because I keep thinking about error application in my PC and I still need a lot of tasks to be accomplished. I reinstall, uninstall, over and over - try to fix it but still can't work. So, I give up and go home. Then, in my dream, I try to open the application and it works. I can't wait to try it in the morning and it works! Aaaaa :')

So, I think I should make my own dream journal - because having dream catcher is actually impossible. It seems fun when I can read my last dreams and write a note like an adventure. Besides, in sleeping hours, we just remember a little about our dreams, or forget directly when we are sober.

Nevertheless, try not to fall asleep before having Isya prayer. Let Allah gives bless and peaceful sleep. And not in the morning, either. The dream and sleeping moment can shock you. Moreover, I think it's not a good idea to let the bless given in the morning fly away (though I often overslept in the weekend too! Oh, no!)

April 7, 2013

Self Note: Over Thinker

My moods swing back and forth these days. I still have strong tendency to be perfectionist. It's really not good, it is not. I tend to over think some issues and let them ruin myself - until I sleep, and I wake up realizing that I haven't done what I should have done.

Blog is media that really helps me to escape. And I learn to be honest. I can see I make a grown-up jump from each posting I've ever wrote. And you, silent readers, thanks for enjoying :)

Sometimes I really hope I can help all friends who need me. It's sometimes very difficult to say no. I'm a kind of guilty person. Sometimes you should be rational that you have limit either, only two hands, and lack-of-energy-thingy in the weekend. So, please, talk honestly without pushing yourself too hard, icha. Okay?

I remember one thing when my juniors all of sudden asked me to attend an event and... I can't say no though it's very impossible for me to come. So what do I do when they keep asking me? I block the contact because I can't stand the guilt.

I remember another thing when my friends changed totally because of an opportunity that I finally managed. I couldn't stop blaming myself. So what do I do when it got hurt me? I stop clarifying and let them never happen in my life.

I also remember when any kind of ping or ring from social media came and made me stressful. I try not to be involved much in social media anymore.

Sometimes I feel I'm very complex, and weird. That's why I think I need someone who can make me relieved, calm, humorous, and doesn't have same pressure like me.

I try to stop being an over thinker too. Stop feeling unimportant sadness. Stop worrying things too much. Stop criticizing myself about others opinion. Stop trying to make everybody happy and satisfied. Stop disturbing myself with my imagination of guilt. And please, try to say no. Let haters gonna hate.

All we really need is being peaceful, right? Happy, right?


Okay, Icha? Deal :)

This sweet picture taken from here.